Fuck Gambling

We broke it off last night, quiet and cold

No shouting, no blame, just worn down souls

I handed your money back knowing the deal

Not hoping for change, just keeping it real

I said two days, tried to sound fair

You beat that clock like I wasn’t there

You were at work, I was far away

And still I knew how this would play

I didn’t watch it, didn’t see the screen

I just know what was there and what’s no longer seen

Six hundred gone somewhere in the day

While I trusted distance wouldn’t give way

The number hurts, but that ain’t the core

It’s knowing I can’t protect us anymore

If I gotta be present to stop the bleed

Then safety was never guaranteed

I wasn’t shocked, I was just confirmed

Every fear I had finally learned

I still love you, just not like this

Not at the cost of everything I risk

I gave you two days, you took just one

That tells me where your priorities run

I still love you, and that’s what’s rough

But love alone just ain’t enough

When I held the money, I was the bad guy

Like stopping the fall was crossing a line

Every boundary painted me cruel

Like restraint was breaking the rule

I wasn’t trying to run your life

I was trying to keep us alive

But caring turned into control

At least that’s how the story was told

And the pictures still hit the same

Like attention’s another kind of game

Strangers saying what they’d do

While I’m right here trying to hold onto you

It makes me question where I stand

When validation comes from faceless hands

I’m not angry that you’re hurting inside

I’m scared of what it costs us every time

I still love you, just not like this

Not at the cost of everything I risk

I gave you two days, you took just one

That tells me where your priorities run

I still love you, and that’s what’s rough

But love alone just ain’t enough

This ain’t about pride or playing strong

It’s about knowing when staying’s wrong

I can’t be your guard, your bank, your blame

While you feed a fire and call it pain

Addiction explains it, yeah, that’s true

But it doesn’t erase what it does to you

Or what it does to me standing near

Living in fear instead of years

I still love you, that part’s real

That never left, I didn’t heal

But loving you shouldn’t mean losing me

Or gambling everything I’m trying to be