I’m 29 and I feel like I’m just loosing my mind
Drowning in my head thinking maybe today will be the day I end my life,
Wishing my thoughts would just think of happier times,
But its too blacked out from all those drunken nights,
People that hated on me for no reason out of spite,
Fighting with sobriety because if I slip up it could be the day I don’t come back,
I go to sleep and hope to god thats its not my last day,
Everyone says they understand my pain, and my PTSD and health problems,
Like they are me but they don’t understand that everyday is a battle to just get out of bed,
Between this back that don’t work, and my head thats filled with darkness,
And I don’t want to be consumed by it, cause if I get consumed by it I wont be here no more
Im coming back just let me go,
Im coming back just let me go yeah
Im coming back don’t let me go
Who am I when the world stops, and the person I am today dies to suicidal thoughts,
Slitting my wrists like I I did when I was in my room crossed faded on alcohol and hydros
Or when I was a kid trying to hang myself because of the abuse that nobody around me
Understood.
Its hard for me to talk about these things that happened to me cause I don’t like to be vulnerable, but I put up a wall and I’m still trying to tear that wall down.
So much aggression that I just want to take someones face off,
Then I’m upset that I have too much depression to play with my sons,
And give them the life I never had, I pray that they never have to go through what I went through
I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person I wanted to be,
I see a failure, a recovering alcoholic, a recovering drug addict, a marine that lost its way,
A man that doesn’t know how to support for his family because no matter how hard he tries,
He comes up short,
I got no 401k, no retirement plan, no life insurance, nothing to leave behind for my family,
Except a dead marine in his uniform in a wood box, a folded flag, and the dream of being a wonderful dad.
Im coming back just let me go
Im coming back just let me go yeah
Im coming back don’t let me go
I sit there and think about all the people that have had it worst then me and that are no longer here,
They hung there hat, tied their boots, packed their bags, went out the door and said goodbye,
Fought battles everyday to stay alive, pushed people away that meant the most to them and told themselves that cause their a man that its their job to not show weakness or be vulnerable, and they became another powerpoint, bars and graphs that we talk about, they tell us to know the signs and say something but nobody ever says anything, and thats when the ones we love the most end up becoming a statistic.
Im coming back just let me go
Im coming back just let me go yeah
Im coming back don’t let me go
