Had to give a lot just to get so little in return. don’t have an ark all I ever had was heart and for me that was half the start but all these tears left my heart drowned and then overturned. Devil pulls all my harp strings and left em frayed forever burned. People would drag me through the mud and then my name through the dirt. that left me forever hurt, feels like I’m forever cursed. Type of feeling that makes you lose your worth. I wish to be anywhere but here on earth.
I have so much pain I had to learn how to cope with that, I swear to those who’ve done me wrong I’m not going back, I have so much hate inside my heart I can’t let go of that, only ever had these demons that had my back, all my regrets and scars from my past.
I found it funny when I have the money and am more than what I was then everybody loves me. But when I was on my own I had nobody type of feeling that made it really hard to love me. I was on my own, I was all alone, every bit of love I had I gave to others tho, just to turn around and see my loved ones turn to ghost. I have done some things for which I can’t atone, and said some things the past me would not condone. Now I’m lost within the darkness of a broken soul, yeah that life is so so cold.
I have so much hurt deep inside I can’t control myself, I’m a beast full of burdens and I need help, I have so much sorrow in my soul I can’t help but to just look back, only ever had these people that would stab my back, all I can see now is times of better passed. Fake love that had left me scarred, lies they had left me damaged, broken promises they had left me grieving, betrayal and distrust festered and now I resort to treason.
I’ve lost so much heart and yet I’m still here breathing. All I’m looking for now is a thirteenth reason. Don’t get me wrong hasn’t been all that bad, I have more than what some others have. But all the love in this world couldn’t restore what i had. all the smiles and the warm laughs, but now it’s all just really sad, often in reflection I get really mad, picking on myself pissed off, cause I could’ve been better than that, I’ve changed so much now that I can’t go back. Where I want to be is not matching up with where I’m at. it all takes time but how much more do I really have? I’m not afraid of the life I made, I just wanted love for all the times that I never had.
Love I want to candle that, I never have much these days but I hope to cherish that, keep that flame burning till I’m turned to ash, heart is full of love that some seek all their life to have, know full well they mistreated and mishandled that. I’m sorry for any distance or mistakes that I make due to my damaged past. hope you don’t think less of me because I’m on this beaten path. Had these burdens so long I forgot how to just relax. All I hear is the constant arguing of what to do about me. I’ve been changed, left, forgotten and now they don’t know how to feel about me. I’ve been lost so long but now I finally found me.
