[funky lo-fi groove, wobbly, vocals forward, clear enunciated vocals, Feist meets Fiona Apple, slow deliberate phrasing, every word forward in mix]
[intro]
I shouldn't feel this way
This shouldn't be happening
[verse]
That thought arrives first
Then another quickly follows
And inside the circle
The feelings start stacking
Annoyed — yeah
Tired — sure
Frustrated — fine
Disgusted — wait
And almost immediately
The verdict arrives
I should be different
[pre-chorus]
The judgment doesn't stay small
Oh no It spirals
Rejection, hatred, shame
Each loop tightening
Until the center thought appears
[chorus]
I'm a bullshit person
Not — I'm having a hard moment
Not — this feeling hurts
But a whole identity
Built from a passing state
Fix it Force it Push it away
Like untangling a knot By pulling harder
I'm a bullshit person
And I know that's not true
But right now It really feels like it
[verse]
Negativity goes physical
Like carrying a dead weight
Vision narrows
Movement goes automatic
Moving through the world To distorted perceptions That feel completely real
[break]
Maybe I just can't hack it On the Earth plane
[verse]
Entrapped in ignorance
A victim of circumstance
Powerless, hopeless, helpless
And at the center of the whole structure
Sits a small sun Labeled — Ego
My suffering
My failures
My misery
My very important needs
Everything pointing Back to the same Exhausting Center
Oh, to be human
[chorus]
I'm a bullshit person
Not — I'm having a hard moment
Not — this feeling hurts But a whole identity
Built from a passing state
Fix it Force it Push it away Like untangling a knot By pulling harder
I'm a bullshit person And I know that's not true But right now It really feels like it
[bridge]
Can the shell break already If the discomfort gets intense enough Maybe it will crack something open
Maybe it's not punishment Maybe it's pressure
[silence]
I know the light is there But something thick is in the way
[pause]
A dense fog Not the absence of light Just something keeping me From perceiving it
[spoken]
Lord please
If I am your yo-yo Please flick your wrist And bring me back
[chorus]
Underneath the spiral Underneath all of it There is a much simpler longing
To rest To rest in the palm Of something larger
For a moment Or maybe For eternity
[outro]
I shouldn't feel this way
[pause]
And yet Here I am
And that's enough
AlchemistEthereal252
