[Intro]
(Modern synths and frantic strings building up intensity)
TRAILER VOICE: In a world full of superheroes... only one man has the courage to be completely ordinary.
[Verse 1]
The alarm clock rings, it’s seven AM,
A deadly battle consumes his eyes again.
He reaches out an arm, an arm of flesh and bone,
He hits the snooze button, standing on his throne!
CHOIR: (Stadium chant scream) GOOOOAL! THE SUPREME SNOOZE! TEN MORE MINUTES OF GLORY!
[Chorus]
CHOIR: (Epic Techno-Rock rhythm like Linkin Park/Rammstein)
He’s the common man! The king of the normal!
Every single move is majestic and formal!
He puts on his shoes! (CHOIR: IMPREEEESSIVE!)
He ties his laces! (CHOIR: DIVINE! TRIUMPHANT!)
No super-strength, no lightning from his chest,
But when he drinks coffee, the universe is blessed!
[Verse 2]
He steps out the door, the wind blows his hair,
He sees a black stray cat and gives a tiny stare.
He reaches into his pocket to search for his keys...
CHOIR: (Anxious music, crazy violins screeching) WHERE ARE THEY?! WHERE ARE THE KEYS?!
He finds them in the right pocket!
CHOIR: (Explosion of audio fireworks) WHOOOOOOOO! THE MIRACLE OF THE POCKET! DESTINY IS SAVED!
[Bridge]
(Deep male voices chanting a solemn hymn, tense movie-trailer strings)
CHOIR: Who will save the earth from primordial chaos?
Who will face destiny without a boss?
It is him... the man with no name! (Thunder crack sound)
[Verse 3]
The kitchen is a wasteland of tiles and doom,
An empty water glass challenges the room.
He stands up from the couch, gravity pulls him low,
Every single step is a heavy, world-ending blow.
CHOIR: He walks! He walks! Toward the sink!
[Pre-Chorus]
He grabs the soggy sponge, pours the lemon dish soap...
The choir holds its breath, losing all hope!
CHOIR: (Whispered and dramatic) The liquid lands... the water flows...
[Chorus]
CHOIR: (Explosion of giant brass and massive percussion)
HE RINSED THE GLASS! WHOOOOOOO!
The chalice of purity shines under the sun!
No superpowers, just a job well done!
The darkness is defeated by concentrated foam,
Praise the hero who saved his own home!
[Outro]
(A single giant gong strike)
SOLO VOICE: And now... he puts the chair back.
CHOIR: AH! THE OMNIPOTENT ONE!
Xirius
