The Blood I Didn’t Choose

Sirens in my head

Walls closing in

I still hear his voice

When I try to sleep

The house was breathing fear that night

Shadows shaking under broken light

Hands that raised me, now clenched in hate

Love turned loaded, sealed our fate

Mama screaming, time stood still

I felt my heart beg my hands to kill

Every second screaming don’t be late

One move wrong and we’re in the grave

I didn’t want the crown of blame

Didn’t ask to choose who stays

I was backed into the corner

With no god left to pray

I pulled the trigger but it still pulls me

Every night, every breath, it won’t set me free

I saved our lives but I lost my soul

Now I’m digging graves inside my skull

Tell me

Would you hesitate?

Would you freeze?

Would you do the same if it was him or me?

I live, but I don’t feel whole

I wear the blood I didn’t choose

His eyes weren’t his, they were empty glass

A stranger wearing my brother’s past

I screamed his name, he didn’t hear

Just rage, just death, just fear

The moment cracked like a breaking bone

I watched my future overload

I keep replaying different ends

Where nobody dies, and we pretend

If I waited one more breath

Would we all be dead instead?

Is mercy measured in seconds

Or just another word for regret?

I pulled the trigger but it still pulls me

Every night, every breath, it won’t set me free

I saved our lives but I lost my soul

Now I’m digging graves inside my skull

Tell me

Would you hesitate?

Would you freeze?

Would you do the same if it was him or me?

I live, but I don’t feel whole

I wear the blood I didn’t choose

I SEE HIS FACE

WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES

I HEAR HIS VOICE

ASKING WHY

WHY WAS I THE ONE LEFT STANDING

WHY DOES SURVIVAL FEEL LIKE A SIN

I DID WHAT I HAD TO

SO WHY AM I STILL BLEEDING

If there’s a place where souls reset

Where love exists without regret

Tell him I never wanted this

Tell him I still call his name

If there’s a god, he’s silent now

Or maybe he was in the ground

Watching me become the thing

I swore I’d never be

I pulled the trigger but it still pulls me

Through every dream where I can’t breathe

I saved our lives but I lost my soul

Now I’m fighting ghosts I’ll never hold

Tell me

Would you hesitate?

Would you freeze?

Would you do the same if it was him or me?

I live, but I don’t feel whole

I wear the blood I didn’t choose

I didn’t win

I just survived

And some nights

I wish I hadn’t