Sorry I hurt

Hurt I’ve been hurt used stabbed in the back talked about beat with belts and I got a whole list people don’t understand I’ve been expected to tighten up and be tuff be on guard be alert at all times it’s like when u crinkle up a paper u have to unravel it to see what was in it it will never go back to how it was at first it was flat new peace of paper that was once smooth an now it’s shriveled up and crumped it had marks in it well that’s been my heart almost all my life I have been expected to take my pain and act like it was never there they expect me to bounce back almost as if nothing happened and if I showed emotion I’d be told I’m acting like a baby Or I’m told see I knew u couldn’t handle it this why nobody tells u anything cuz there scared of how I’ll react but I still did it I did tighten up I do stand my guard I was alert even though deep down some night I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and just cry scream an ask god why but I couldn’t scream it’s almost like I lost my voice but I was more scared of being caught at a emotional time I’d be judged and told I’m over reacting or I’m being dramatic or that I’m crazy or that there is something wrong I couldn’t show I was weak not cuz I didnt know how to but because I knew that if I showed I was weak I’d be treated like I was weak and I wouldn’t want that I wanted to look tough and hold my shit together u wanted to trust I wanted to be loved I wanted what a normal human wants and that is to be showed the right way cuz I was always going the wrong way even when I thought it was good