[Verse 1]
It started on a Tuesday,
Down on Merryweather Lane—
A choir dressed in woolly hats
Was practising again.
But after fifty freezing years
Of singing “Silent Night,”
They snapped, they cracked, they shouted,
“We deserve a proper fight!”
[Pre-Chorus]
Tambourines and tinsel,
They’re stompin’ on the green—
With jingling fists held in the air,
They’re causing quite a scene—
[Chorus, Gang Vocals, loud and rowdy]
The carolers are revolting!
They’re chanting in the streets!
“We won’t sing Silent Night again—
Give us something with a beat!”
They’re smashing all tradition,
With rhythmic ammunition—
Ohhh, the carolers are revolting,
And Christmas sounds like THIS!” (CHA! CHA! CHA!)
---
[Verse 2]
They stormed the local bakery,
Demanded mince pie rights—
They hijacked Santa’s sleigh
And took it joyriding at night.
They rewrote every carol
To include electric bass—
And spray-painted “JINGLE HARDER!”
Across the town hall place.
[Pre-Chorus]
The mayor tried to stop them,
But tripped on tinsel rope—
They crowned him “King of Christmas Noise,”
‘Cause frankly, there’s no hope—
[Chorus]
The carolers are revolting!
They’re chanting in the streets!
“No more Deck the Halls for us—
We want distortion, heat!”
They’re tearing up tradition,
With festive ammunition—
Ohhh, the carolers are revolting,
And Christmas sounds like THIS!” (BANG! BANG! BANG!)
---
[Bridge, Madness-style spoken-sung]
“They marched into the pub—
The landlord nearly fainted!
Ordered ‘Twelve Pints of Christmas Cheer,’
And left the windows painted.
One tried to moonwalk
In a puddle full of ice…
Another joined the jukebox
And sang ‘Fairytale’— twice.”
[Gang Chants:]
“RIOT! RIOT! RIOT IN THE SNOW!”
“SING FAST! DRINK FAST! LET THE BASS DRUM GO!”
---
[Break, Instrumental with shouts]
“Put that megaphone down!”
“That’s not a microphone, that’s a candy cane!”
“Why are you crowd-surfing in a manger?!”
“Turn it up — no, NOT THAT MUCH!”
---
[Final Chorus]
The carolers are revolting!
They’ve taken Christmas back!
“No more dainty harmonies—
We want a PUNK ATTACK!”
They’re shaking up tradition,
A festive coalition—
Ohhh, the carolers are revolting,
And Christmas sounds like bliss…
‘Cause honestly—
[whispered]…
Christmas always needed THIS.”
JonnyOnit
