Grief With a Phone Number

Heaven doesn’t have a phone number

so I learned not to wait

but you’re still somewhere breathing

and that’s a different kind of ache

I’ve known both kinds of grief

in the same damn year

one had no way back

one still disappears

One left this world completely

one still lives on my screen

one taught me acceptance

the other keeps breaking me

You’re not gone from this world

you’re just somewhere I can’t reach

and that hurts in a different way

when your silence still speaks

It’s grief with a phone number

a ringtone that haunts my mind

not gone enough to let go

not close enough to call mine

It’s grief with a phone number

hope hanging on the line

I keep waiting for your voice

like it could pull us back in time

We weren’t just a maybe

we had mornings we had plans

we had laughing in the quiet

we had future in our hands

We were happy for a minute

before life came crashing in

then you left but not completely

and that’s where the grief begins

You still call me sometimes

and we still fall right in

like nothing ever changed

till the silence comes again

The connection’s still there

I can hear it when you breathe

and every time your voice comes through

it keeps hope alive in me

For a minute I forget

we’re not what we were then

then the quiet comes back heavy

and I’m grieving you again

Cause I can’t cry it empty

and I can’t let it go

when a piece of me is missing

but still lives in my soul

It’s grief with a phone number

a ringtone that haunts my mind

not gone enough to let go

not close enough to call mine

It’s grief with a phone number

hope hanging on the line

I keep waiting for your voice

like it could pull us back in time

This ain’t the kind of gone

where the door is closed for good

this is knowing you’re out there somewhere

wishing that you would

Reach for me

check on me

say you miss us too

but I can’t make a heart come home

just because I want it to

It’s grief with a phone number

a ringtone that haunts my mind

not gone enough to let go

not close enough to call mine

It’s grief with a phone number

hope hanging on the line

I keep waiting for your voice

like it could pull us back in time

I lost one to heaven

and one to the in-between

one can’t call me back

one still lives on my screen

I’ve known both kinds of grief

in the same damn year

one had no way back

one still disappears