Lady Is a Tramp (But I Kept Her Face)

[Swinging piano. Brushed drums. A bright, grinning orchestra.]

"Ladies and gentlemen. This next song is about a lady. A tramp, if you will. She didn't like the parties. She didn't like the crowds. She didn't like the way I looked at her when the voices got loud."

"She left. They always leave. But I kept something of hers. Something she didn't need anymore. Her face."

[The orchestra swings in. Cheerful. Terrifying.]

[VERSE 1 — SUNG, SWINGING, CHEERFUL]

She gets too hungry for dinner at eight.
She likes the blood. She thinks it's great.
She hates the parties. She hates the noise.
She hates the way I treat her like one of the boys.

She's a tramp. She's a flirt.
She's the reason my heart hurts.
But I kept her face. I keep it close.
I talk to it. I make it toast.

The lady is a tramp. But I kept her face.
She's in a very special place.

[HOOK — SUNG, SWINGING]

The lady is a tramp. The lady is a dream.
The lady is the prettiest thing that's ever been on my team.
She left me in the dark. She left me in the cold.
But I kept her face. I'll never let it go.

The lady is a tramp. The lady is a liar.
But I kept her face. I keep it by the fire.
She warms me when the voices get too loud.
The lady is a tramp. She's the best one in the crowd.

[VERSE 2 — SUNG]

She doesn't like the opera. She doesn't like the art.
She said my collection of faces was tearing her apart.
She said "Sammy, this is theft. You're stealing who I am."
I said "darling, that's the point. You're my favorite jam."

She left that night. She ran so fast.
She didn't see the future. She didn't see the past.
She didn't see the moment I reached out and grabbed her face.
The lady is a tramp. She's in a better place.

[BRIDGE — SPOKEN OVER SOFT PIANO]

"You ever love someone who couldn't love you back? Someone who looked at your collection and saw madness instead of art? That's her. That's my lady. The tramp. The one who got away."

"But she didn't get away. Not really. I kept her face. I kept her smile. I kept the way she looked at me when she realized she wasn't leaving."

[The orchestra returns. Swinging.]

[VERSE 3 — SUNG]

She sings with me now. She knows the words.
She's the sweetest voice among the herd.
She doesn't run. She doesn't hide.
She sits right there. Right by my side.

The lady is a tramp. The lady is a queen.
She's the prettiest thing I've ever seen.
She's on my shelf. She's in my heart.
She's the only one who didn't fall apart.

[FINAL HOOK — SUNG, FULL ORCHESTRA, SWINGING, TERRIFYINGLY CHEERFUL]

The lady is a tramp. The lady is a song.
The lady is the place where I belong.
She left me once. She won't leave again.
I kept her face. She's my only friend.

The lady is a tramp. The lady is a dream.
The lady is the prettiest thing that's ever been on my team.
The lady is a tramp. But I kept her face.
She's in a very special place.

The lady is a tramp. The lady is mine.
She's on my shelf. She's doing fine.
The lady is a tramp. The lady is art.
I kept her face. I kept her heart 

Lounge, Crooner Jazz, male