You Still Don’t Hear Me
I keep trying to explain myself
but every time I do
I leave the conversation feeling like I failed.
Like the words I chose
weren’t strong enough
or clear enough
or maybe people just weren’t really listening.
I talk about what’s inside my head
and somehow the point disappears
somewhere between my mouth
and their understanding.
And it makes me question myself.
Did I say it wrong again?
Did I make it sound smaller than it really is?
Because what I feel inside
is not small.
It’s heavy.
It’s constant.
It follows me everywhere.
I work hard.
Harder than most people know.
But working hard doesn’t quiet the noise in my chest.
It doesn’t erase the weight I carry.
Every day I wake up
thinking maybe today I’ll feel peace.
But most days
peace feels like something I’m still chasing.
Like it’s always a few steps ahead of me
and I never quite catch it.
What I want isn’t complicated.
I just want to be understood
without having to explain myself ten different ways.
I want someone to look at me
and see past the surface.
See the effort.
See the struggle.
See the parts of me I never show anyone.
I want someone to love me
with the same intensity I give to people.
Actually more.
I want to feel like loving me matters to someone.
Like it’s something they fight for.
Like losing me would mean something.
Not something casual.
Not something temporary.
Something real.
Because right now
I feel like I’m speaking a language
nobody around me understands.
I explain.
I repeat myself.
I try again.
And somehow
people still don’t hear me.
Maybe one day
someone will understand me
without needing the perfect explanation.
Someone who doesn’t need the right words.
Someone who just looks at me
and finally sees
everything I’ve been trying to say.
curly_g
