my best friend
the one person who saw the real me
the one who truly loved ....me
not who they think I am
but who I really am
and I don't blame you for leaving
I'm so thankful I taught you how to love yourself
there was a time when you had only self hatred blinded by dislike and wishing you weren't even alive
I'm glad you were born your such a blessing gifted by god to me
not just due to loving feelings
or want of you to be with me
I'm lucky to have had you here beside me in my journey of life
you have no idea how wonderful it made my experience walking forward through so much unexpected pain, pressure cracking me to my core deep inside, efforts to love a daughter states away I miss
watching one by one family fall ill or have an unexpected accident leading all of them to death
not just one or two years between I lost a dozen in a row within a few months over half my family left my sight
and unlike Most I care nothing for normal human things enjoyed and desired success is part of the plan but not for me for further capabilities I can gather to use to give back to family friends and whoever else I can maybe be of help, I don't care for happy life or a home a car respect from people who probably don't even like me the way I love them, I'm a lover a person who cherishes memories both people cared about, bonding through time spent enjoying fully focusing on the moments we get gifted to still be alive and come together, I'm about people and everything we get to do and say and all else is side quest it'll be here forever people die left all the time. we cant go back in time we must march forward so I need to make sure I properly process any thing I can that attempts to try to dig wedges of hurt confusion anger and judgment between what should be forever thats for friends, family, strangers, people you work beside, those yet to come, those here no longer some forever some come and go over and over. thank you for being every one of these and among the ones I love most. my parents my daughter my god my self my spiritual mission and my precious best friend who got to be my deepest lover I will forever love you no matter what till the end of time I forgive every moment you have ever hurt me wether lies or moments I felt the feelings of betrayal as those I trust have hurt me deepest in life never knowing how I never stop loving ever. the people I hate and never care to see for life though only two or three one of them a best friend of my youth hate is unable to cast away the love still there even now I wish sometimes he got to see hell id look down below and cry for the love still bearing thoughts of missing what I wish we still had. eternal wounds never will the trauma leave its OK I use it as a means to remind me my love is that strong. that pain is never ever worth hurting those I care about being wounded instead just to get useless things like you hurting means I wont. if so ill hurt to never hurt you.
