*Dark blues horrorcore trap · 30 BPM*
(low, dragging, half-time pulse… almost still)
They sat in the dark and watched me fracture
Clipboards closed, eyes glazed, no one answered
Teachers filed the noise under “problem child”
Counselors nodded while the real storm stayed wild
ADHD static crawling under the skin
Autism overload drowning from within
Borderline blades, depression thick as tar
CPTSD ghost still driving the car
They only saw the tantrum, never the crash
Never the shutdown, the white-out, the flash
Just another loud kid too much for the room
Left me alone with the monsters in full bloom
I had to dig the names out myself years later
Pull the diagnoses from the silence and the data
If anyone had held me when the wiring first broke
Maybe I wouldn’t still be choking on the smoke
Now I’m the adult that kid never got
The one who stays when the panic starts to clot
I guard the girl they left unsupervised and raw
I hold her steady when the old voices still claw
No more waiting for someone else to see the signs
I became the shelter I never found in time
I talk soft to the parts that still flinch and freeze
I give her the care they were too blind to see
Every outburst they punished was a system on fire
Every “too sensitive” was a nervous system wired higher
They missed the pattern, missed the pain, missed the plea
Left me to grow up guessing what was wrong with me
So I built the parent, the teacher, the friend
The one who doesn’t leave when the meltdown begins
I look that kid in the eyes through the dark and the dust
And I protect what’s left of her… because no one else ever does
I’m the adult I needed when no one else would stay
The one who finally listens when the silence starts to fray
I keep her close, I keep her whole, I keep her real
And I refuse to abandon her the way they did to me
(slow fade… single piano note decaying into low 808 grit)
Ashonedge
