Hop the fuck in my head now matty

Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop those are the sounds of my childhood chainsaws ring out though out my childhood screams of other's play in my mind as i laid in a hospital bed a boy visits i hear everything he says he is talking and these words he speaks what am I supposed to say to her and a voice like dad's and a womens voice say just talk to her as if she's awake so I hear his foot steps walk closer and the words he speaks are these would you please wake up school is really boring without you I miss you and then days go bye same voice comes back he says hey I brought a book to read to you I hope you like it and i hope you wake up soon he reads book then he says I gotta go my grandma's waiting I really hope you wake up soon I really miss you now if that didn't happen then say so but until you can you can't say im not me and im not telling you truth tears fall down my face for I never new and still dont understand it all like if he loved me why wasn't he around and why dont he listen too a word I try and tell him why does he think someone else is me the only sounds I remember from my childhood are pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop RrrawwrRrrawwrbzzzzzzbzzzzzz guns and chainsaws that was my childhood what do you want from me matty iam not her

My scars prove it now be you it's fine but dont expect me to understand your way when I'm reliving memories that make no since to me as if it's happening in the moment all over again you wanted inside my head well hop the fuck in! I tried telling you kim wasn't my mother so her being racist has no value on me and your native or did you forget well like I said hop the fuck in asshole! And it goes pop pop pop pop

I'm used to only that sound and the sounds of me begging them not to needle me again in the middle of the night when nobody could hear my screams so blame me it's fine I still didn't okay any of this crap! But your rich that's all that matters to you aint it that's the difference between me and them I would rather be alone walk along the lions in Texas and bobcats and Falcons barefooted then be rich in gold which came from the earth so your pockets are truly worthless but that friendship now that was worth all the stars in the sky but you can keep them too