Disposition

There’s a part of me that don’t flinch at pain,

That stares in silence when the blood stains.

Other half just wanna breathe without breakin’.

But every thought feel like a cage shakin’.

I don’t know which side’s me—just which one wins that day.

Got wars in my mind, no medals, just wounds

Tryna tread light but my brain go boom

Heartbeat heavy like a bassline drop

Every calm thought get lit and shot

Mirror show a man, but I see a beast

Jaw clenched tight, barely keepin’ peace

Is it trauma or the clique I bled with?

Backseat heat, too young for that sentence

I ain’t ask for this — but it’s wired in

Every trigger word pull a fire pin

Mama said I was good, but I feel foul

Was I born with a storm or did it grow wild?

Tell me why I rage like the world owe me

Like every breath’s war, like peace don’t know me

Tryna hold on, but the grip feel fake

Might snap from the weight or the moves I make

Got devils in my dome and they dance in sync

Is it nature? Nurture? Or the way I think?

I don’t glorify pain, but I marinate in it

Tryna be better but the dark thoughts win it

Keep a blade in my grin when I talk to myself

Like, “Bury that heart, leave love on the shelf”

I was raised on cold—neglect and shame

Now I see red in the pourin’ rain

Was I just made to break? Molded wrong?

Like my code’s all glitch and my roots too strong?

I don’t know peace, just brief distractions

The quiet before my violent reactions

I don’t want war, but war want me

Like a ghost with a grin tryna haunt my sleep

Tell me why I rage like the world owe me

Like every breath’s war, like peace don’t know me

Tryna hold on, but the grip feel fake

Might snap from the weight or the moves I make

Got devils in my dome and they dance in sync

Is it nature? Nurture? Or the way I think?

Yeah I dream of better, but I wake to the static

Hands twitch fast, thoughts so erratic

Tryna play nice but I’m wired to react

Can’t shake the past when it’s clawed in my back

All the hurt that built me, carved me deep

Now I bleed every time that I try to sleep

A product of the pain or a flaw in the frame?

Either way, I burn like a moth to flame

So if I snap, don’t ask “what’s wrong?”

Just know I been holdin’ back too long

Every scar I carry got a story in blood

And I still smile through the dirt and the mud

Maybe I was made for war in the brain

But I’m still here, tryna walk through rain