[Hook]
Try not to pressure me
Flares up my ADHD
Called P D A
Kicks in & takes me away
[Verse 1]
Pathological Demand Avoidance
its a thing
Turns a "want to do"
Into a "HAVE to do it" thing
Sets expectations I cant be late
Starts sensations theres a lot at stake
Gotta stay in control
Cos if I dont, then I dont get to go
Its not that I dont care
Its the opposite, I swear
I worry I'll fail
Pressure intensifies focus on that 1 detail
Cant be late Cant be late cant be late!
That creates
Crippling anxiety causes me to make mistakes
To calm my nerves I dissociate
Auto pilot distract & procrastinate
Top priority is now these things I have to do
& now I cant find my keys or my shoe
Most of all I always have to
Before I go anywhere I use the loo
[Hook]
[Bridge]
1st stone of stress
My head & getting dressed
2nd 1 is you waiting ages & Im still a mess
Theres still heaps to do, stone 3
That turbo charges anxiety
& stone 4 takes our simple coffee
& now its too much for me
Im now an hour late
Stomach hurts feel sick Im in pain
Too tired & emotionally drained
Can't stop thinkin Im always to blame
Sinks me deep into shame
So I push you away so I'll be ok
Stop the pain & my constant ache
Silence the voices in my head that say
Things so cruel an evil hate
Im so fuckin mad
that I am
This way
[Rap verse]
Here's why
Its so maddening
I'll be focused finally
On a task I been needing
to get done but was entirely
Dependent on me
To control my ADHD
& anythin stoppin me
Or distracts me
Deactivates
& unmotivates
Reactivates me to procrastinate
Its a miracle that only
happens sporadically
In alignment of motivation, time & energy
Focus, life's schedule & most of all
- money
1 less on my list only took a year
That weight was becoming too much to bear
Moment passes next heaviest there
The struggle for time for me to repair
Been almost 3 years since Ive had proper self care
Life in the pressure valve everyday every week
Is the biggest hurdle I need to beat
Till I can stop PDA ruling me
& the I hate myself rage fueling me
1 side is my shame
The other is self blame
Angers the referee of the game
& since my friends & family have gone
Gotta do it alone
On my own
My health shit, my ADHD
As well as my responsibilities
& there it is, back to the beginning
the loop Im stuck in - complete
& on repeat
I cant stop it though
so around again I go
(Its like)
Domino's in a line
Branching off into 9
1 goes
Then 2 more
Butterfly effect triggers the vine
Just wanna see how it all unwinds
Cant watch all at one time
So gotta run back & forth, quick!
Anything in the way better move otherwise its
Tick tick
(Boom)
Instant explosion!
Rage at you or sink into
hysterical emotion
If it was your fault
my wrath will unleash a jolt
The dark 1s destruction
Shows the intensity of disruption
Of a moment gone forever
Can't get it back ever
& now I gotta save
That person bein destroyed by my rage
Ill ignore & take space
My boundaries exist so
If I lose control
I won't destroy you
& devour your soul
[Hook]
worldsdrone08
