Why

Why am I...so nice and caring like I am.

All I have ever done is help people.

I would help anyone...

I have put myself out on the streets to help family.

I have given up so much...

I feel that it is my purpose to help people.

Helping people makes me happy.

I think spreading some love could help bring back a little more love and a little less hate.

There is too much hate and not enough love,caring, respect, and loyalty.

Being able to feel their pain or sorrow...breaks my heart.

I can not ignore it...

It eats at me...

I feel ashamed not to help.

But why does it have to be so many people amongst all my problems?

It's overwhelming at times...

Kinda like being electrocuted and all your energy is gone.

I love helping people...I feel so at peace.

But my body and my mind is getting tired...tired of never being able to fully energized.

To get away and not worry about someone else for a few days to get myself back in order and recharge.

To have the strength to figure out and move on.

I don't know how to be anything else...but the person I am.

I know I need to change myself some to stop the people from using me.

It's so hard to say no most of the time.

The saying goes "pay it forward"...I believe in that whole heartedly.

I have had many people tell me that through my life...so everyday I try to pay it forward...even if it's something small.

To see someone smile and light up with joy...even if it's just for a few moments...it's worth it all right there.

I do not want to create pain...I want to create love.

Showing every person is worth love and kindness.

Today was a perfect example of me paying it forward...I drove to the gas station across the street to get gas...as I came out there was these 3 little kids maybe 12...selling candy bars for $5 (which was bought from the gas station) I went back into the gas station and got change and went out and bought 2...them kids faces light up and was so excited,they thanked me and ran back into the store to buy more...even tho I got charged way over...them kids day was made and it made my day.

Doing something so little can mean so much to someone.

Just like..."don't judge a book by it cover"

I don't care who they are...I will always give them a chance and try and help.

But with all that been said...I am getting so tired and warned out...that it is hard for me to take care of myself like I should.

I fight with myself in my head about taking care of myself or someone else...I always loose.

I try so hard to take care of myself...but I just don't have much energy anymore.

I need a break.

I want to be able to be myself with out no other worry but how we are and how much we will enjoy ourselves.

That will give me energy and relaxation that I have needed for a long time.

This is thoughts out of my head for the first time...that I struggle with for a very long time and how excited I am to have someone love me in a whole new way.

To get it out on text is my way of trying to help myself fight my battle of puttin