Count em down

First one’s for the weight when the night gets loud,

Second for the thoughts I can’t shut out,

Third for the memories I wish I could erase,

Fourth for the smile that I fake on my face.

I keep count like somehow numbers make sense,

Trying to buy back all the time that I spent,

But every little escape only lasts so long,

Then the morning comes and I’m right where I was.

One, two, three, I’m losing me,

Four, five, six, underneath these sheets,

I keep saying, “I’m alright,”

While I’m losing another fight.

I’m counting pills, but I’m counting down

To the moment I finally turn this around,

One for the pain, two for the shame,

Three for the nights when I don’t know my name.

I thought I needed something to numb what I feel,

But somewhere underneath it, I still wanna heal.

So I put ’em down, let the silence break—

Maybe tomorrow’s a chance I can take.

First was to relax, second to forget,

Third was when depression started collecting its debt,

Fourth was the loneliness sitting in my chest,

Fifth was me pretending I was doing my best.

But I’m tired of running from a war in my head,

Tired of waking up wishing I stayed in bed,

If I’m gonna count tonight, let me count what remains—

Every reason I’ve got to walk through the pain.

One breath…

Two feet…

Three words: “Stay with me.”

Four walls…

Five AM…

Still here…

Still breathing again.

I’m counting pills, but I’m counting down

To the moment I finally turn this around,

One for the pain, two for the shame,

Three for the nights that I thought I’d never change.

I don’t need another number to bury the hurt,

I need somebody there when the darkness gets worse.

So I put ’em down, let the sunrise break—

Maybe tomorrow’s a chance I can take.

One… I’m still here.

Two… I’m still breathing.

Three… maybe that’s enough

To give tomorrow a reason