Hallucinating

Been fading from reality
Focus gone, just tragedy
Eyes wide open, still can’t see
Guess I’m stuck inside of me

Depression don’t play fair
Beats me down in every chair
Day and night, no peace in sight
Bugs crawling on my skin at night

Hallucinations got me twitching
Mind glitching, can't stop itching
Can't smile when I’m sober still
Numb my soul or break my will

Quit my job, ghosted friends
Slammed the doors, burned loose ends
Crave the silence, crave the dark
Lit that fire, snuffed my spark

I can't breathe in a normal way
Can’t think straight, can’t just stay
This ain’t a phase or one bad day
It's a war I fight every single way

So don’t ask why I’m distant
Or why my answers inconsistent
This pain don’t come with warning signs
It just dances on my mind

Intrusive thoughts in violent streams
Me versus me in shattered dreams
Hurt myself when I get mad
When my own hands turn bad

Hard to work, hard to trust
Voices loud, my ears combust
Emotions swing, I lose my grip
Say the wrong thing, relationships dip

Mom denies the planet’s heat
Sis throws words that cut too deep
Parents love with sharpened teeth
Smiles worn like brittle wreaths

Jason? Don’t even start
I carry knives behind my heart
So many secrets, locked-up cries
I lie awake beneath fake skies

Drugs, romance, broken schemes
No more tourneys, just dead dreams
No future plan, no family tree
Even that’s a fight with the powers that be

They don’t want me having kids
They don’t want my truth to live
All I wanted was a place to heal
Now I float where nothing's real

I can't breathe in a normal way
Can’t think straight, can’t just stay
This ain’t a phase or one bad day
It's a war I fight every single way

So don’t ask why I’m distant
Or why my answers inconsistent
This pain don’t come with warning signs
It just dances on my mind

This is me — raw, exposed
A house of thoughts that’s decomposed
Swingin' wild through hellish themes
In a jazz club built from broken dreams

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Swing, funk, jazz, swing, electro swing, witch house, male