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Suicide is always in the back of her mind; she fights it daily, but you couldn't tell it as she walks past you. She's in her silence, her mind racing in so many different ways. You'll notice she's holding something back from the world, and you'll demand she tell you what's on her mind. She'll freeze, tell you she's fine, but in the heat of anger from you pushing her to let you in, she'll pull away. It will be like fire has filled the room as you fire words back and forth. Her way of hiding the pain isn't always what's best for others, but in her mind, it keeps her protected. She believes what you don't know about her, you can't one day use against her. You want in, then never leave. She's never going to just open up and talk face to face; she's just not able to give that to anyone. Her childhood was made up of dark closets for speaking up and being like all others in this world. Now she's different; she's changed over the years. She's screamed out her whole life for help, but nobody would listen. So when you come along and beg her to let you in, she freezes. And when you call her crazy, what she hears isn't exactly what you say. She hears a voice from her past yelling at her, saying nobody's going to believe you; you're just a crazy, stupid brat. If you tell him what happened, he'll go away forever, and you're never going to see him again. She hears the darkness; her heart races, and she sees all the faces of her nightmares she holds inside. It's like her blood is pouring out, yet you can't see it. She's bleeding, and she's dying to just stay dead. Every single moment, she's praying for life to end. For her, she doesn't want to be here. For others, she knows not all are bad, but she doesn't know how to tell who's truly got good intentions and who's just wanting inside her mind so they can use it against her. The truth is she knows you'll leave eventually, so she's waiting for the goodbye to come. She doesn't count on others. She watches the night sky, for she sees people of her past, and it gives her peace for a few, but then she dives back in her head. You wouldn't know her kind of life, for most of it can be found in horror flicks. Death she welcomes, so don't make her come back when it's her only wish.