Thirty Years and Still Him

[Verse 1]
Thirty years gone
I still sit in that desk in my mind
Chalk on your hands
You laughed and the room came alive
I sign my name
To somebody else’s last name now
But when I close my eyes
It’s your smile I see somehow
[Chorus]
Why am I still loving my teacher
After all this living
All this time
I’m holding another hand at the table
But I’m tracing your name in my wine
It hurts so much
I can’t explain it
This secret that I carry in my skin
Thirty years later I’m older
But my heart’s still seventeen with him
[Verse 2]
We pass that school
On the way to our Sunday café
I pull down the blind
Pretend I’m just hiding the sun from my face
He talks about work
About maybe a house by the sea
I nod like I’m there
But the waves keep spelling out “you and me”
[Chorus]
Why am I still loving my teacher
After all this living
All this time
Sharing a life with someone who loves me
Still I’m chasing a ghost in my mind
It hurts so much
I can’t confess it
So I fold it like a note I never sent
Thirty years later I’m wiser
But my dreams never got the message
[Bridge]
I see your face in the shop glass
In strangers leaning on trains
Hear your voice in the midnight
Calling me back by my first name (oh)
If I met you now
Would you know me
Would it shatter or set me free
Or am I meant to keep holding
This unfinished story in me
[Chorus]
Why am I still loving my teacher
After all this living
All this time
Lying awake while he’s softly sleeping
You’re the ache I can’t leave behind
It hurts so much
But I still keep it
Like a photograph worn at the rim
Thirty years later I’m taken
But a piece of me’s still his
Still him

Intimate piano ballad with female vocals, close-mic warmth and airy reverb. First verse stays sparse with just piano and soft pad; chorus swells gently with subtle strings and stacked harmonies. Second verse adds quiet electric guitar swells and a low pulse; bridge strips back to almost solo vocal before a final, aching chorus blooms then fades on a held chord.