Man I Hoped I’d Be

[Verse 1]
(This is the man I hoped I’d be)
Sharp fade, clean shoes, late for nothing
Sunday phone calls, steady hands, always loving
Saying, “I got you” and staying when it gets ugly
Whole heart in one house, no bags packed, not running
[Verse 2]
(This is the man that I became)
Sand in my teeth, same shirt, new country
Alarm at 4 a.m., blanks stare right through me
Missed calls stack up, blue ticks, then “who’s he?”
“Be safe” turning into “we’re done, don’t push me”
[Chorus]
Back and forth, I talk to me
The man I was, the man I bleed
One in the mirror, one overseas
I don’t know which one I believe
Back and forth, it’s you and me
The promise and the casualty
I’m stuck between who I should be
And who came home from war with me
[Verse 3]
(This is the man I hoped I’d be)
Holding her keys, saying, “Stay, I’ll listen”
Arguing soft, not burning every bridge I’m given
Heart like a porch light on, still flickering
Same ring, same name, same Thanksgiving
[Verse 4]
(This is the man that I became)
Short fuse, long nights, longer distance
Half-packed boxes, half-truths, full resistance
“I’m fine” texted every time I’m breaking
New girl, same fight, same bed, same aching
[Pre-Chorus]
[soft, almost whispered]
You said, “One day you’ll come back whole”
I came back early, left my soul
Somewhere out there, in that dust
All I brought home was this rust
[Chorus]
Back and forth, I talk to me
The man I was, the man I bleed
One in the mirror, one overseas
I don’t know which one I believe
Back and forth, it’s you and me
The promise and the casualty
I’m stuck between who I should be
And who came home from war with me
[Bridge]
(This is the man I hoped I’d be)
Kissing her scars, not adding new ones
Teaching some kid how to throw, not how to outrun
Praying in peace, not praying under red suns
Staying when the hard part comes
(This is the man that I became)
Talking to bottles like they talk back
Sleeping in hoodies, packed bags, same flashbacks
Scrolling through faces like old maps
Every goodbye leaves one more crack (yeah)
[Chorus]
Back and forth, I talk to me
The man I was, the man I bleed
One in the mirror, one overseas
I don’t know which one I believe
Back and forth, it’s you and me
The promise and the casualty
If I can’t be who I should be
Can I learn to love who’s left of me? (oh)

rap, Emo-pop/emo-rap with male vocals, clean palm-muted guitars under trap-influenced drums, warm sub bass, and airy pads. Verses alternate between half-sung, half-rapped deliveries for the “two selves,” with subtle pitch-shifted doubles to distinguish perspectives. Choruses bloom into wide stacked harmonies and distorted guitar swells, drums hitting harder on the second hook. Bridge pulls the energy down to almost acapella, then final chorus crashes in with extra ad-libs and a lifted key feel., pop, emo