Now that you’re gone

Haven’t seen you in so long. Just for me to hear you were gone for good. Just for me to learn I can’t see you again, and l never understood why. Why you left without saying goodbye! But although I’m hurt I wish you the best.

After all this time, I still can’t wrap my mind. Around how you died. Was there nothing we could do? Nothing that we could say? Nothing to make you stay!?

And not that you are gone. And never coming back. Now that you’re world’s to faded black. Are you happy? Happy where you’re at? Cause even though what you did to me felt like a stab in the back. I wish you the best.

Now I would be lying, if I said I still wasn’t mad. On you just giving up like that. Selfish though it might be, I wish you would just have confined in me.

Are you in a better place now!? Does the pain hurt less? Are your fears gone? Are all your problems over with? DOES THAT BELT AROUND YOUR NECK BRING MORE COMFORT THEN LIVING EVER DID!?!?

Now I pretend that I don’t care. That I’m over it. That every thought of you doesn’t make me sick . The big brother I never had… LEFT ME JUST LIKE THAT!!!!!!

I know you probably can’t hear me. But you’re missed by us all. I was filled with tears on that phone call. In such disbelief that you’re gone.

Even to this day, it’s still kind of a daunting thought. Even though you were older and stronger than I was. You fought your demons and they won.

And Although Im mad, just know I’m madder at the fact that I can’t have you back! And despite how pissed I can get just thinking about it…I…wish you the best.