In denial

2 a.m., city breathing through the blinds

Phone lights up but I’m still stuck on your mind

I laugh with them, pour another drink

Tell myself I’m fine, but I don’t even blink

Every face I touch feel borrowed, not real

They don’t hit the same, don’t know how I feel

I say your name quiet when I’m alone

Like if I say it loud, you’ll find your way home

I been running from the truth

Sleeping in somebody new

I don’t wanna feel attached

But I’m already attached to you

I’m with somebody just to forget you

But it don’t work, no it don’t do

I’m trying to replace what I never had

But every road lead back to you

I hate the pull, I hate the need

I hate how bad you got to me

I don’t wanna want you this bad

But I can’t deny what you do to me

I play it cool, I play pretend

Tell my boys I’m good again

But they don’t see the nights I fold

When your memory take control

You don’t even know the power

How you ruin every hour

Every kiss just feel like proof

That I’m lying when I say I’m over you

I been touching other skin

Just to numb what’s underneath

I don’t wanna fall in love

But you live inside of me

I’m with somebody just to forget you

But it don’t work, no it don’t do

I’m trying to drown you in the crowd

But you the loudest voice in the room

I hate the pull, I hate the need

I hate how bad you got to me

I don’t wanna want you this bad

But I can’t deny what you do to me

If I told you how I feel

Would you run or would you stay?

I been scared of what is real

So I hide behind the pain

Every time I choose the dark

It just bring me back to you

I don’t like this side of love

But I’m losing all my rules

I’m tired of pretending I don’t care

Tired of finding you everywhere

If desire’s a sin, I confess

I can’t fuck my way out of this