I’m here.
Kinda.
Screen on.
Brain off.
Body moving
like it knows the routine
better than I do.
I’ve been breathing out of habit,
not intention.
Made coffee.
Forgot it.
Microwaved it.
Still drank it cold.
I’ve been living
in loops lately.
Same playlist.
Same hoodie.
Same three lies when someone checks in.
I say,
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Like it’s a voicemail greeting.
Like it means anything.
Still loading.
Not broken.
Not better.
Just stuck
somewhere between
last year and last night.
Buffering through a life
that won’t finish rendering.
I scroll more than I sleep.
Swipe like I’m looking
for permission
to feel something.
Keep deleting messages
I never had the energy to send.
Keep replying in my head
but not out loud.
Even my shadow
feels like it’s lagging lately.
People say
“be present.”
But I’ve been here so long
the moment
don’t even recognize me.
My goals?
Blurred.
My plans?
Ghosted.
I’m not dreaming anymore —
just scheduling survival
between meals.
I clean the kitchen,
but the thoughts pile up.
I open tabs
and forget
why I’m even online.
I don’t want advice.
I want a damn reset button
that doesn’t judge me
for pressing it.
Still loading.
I’m not asking for miracles.
Just maybe
a progress bar.
Just maybe
a sign this version of me
still works.
I’ll get there.
Eventually.
But not today.
And not
because I didn’t try —
but because
trying takes more than I got right now.
STILL loading...
Should probably upgrade,
To a better edition.
Someone with less issues,
And the question to ask
Is; " whose idea was it to believe
my problems, aren't going to last forever?"
Askin' for a freind -
(Still nothing...)
LyricallyInsane
