Nothing felt real

Was someone who used to feel constantly alone. But I still liked my own company at the end of the day. Conversations with others were nothing other than a waste of time.Always left me feel burned out. I took constant risks just to keep on walking on the wrong path. Nothing used to feel real. No one ever seemed to be really trustworthy, not even now.. Sometimes I feel so empty the other time I was get stuck over self destructive thoughts based on my past mistakes.. I had clues that I was doing all wrong but was still moving ahead.Only thing I could ever feel was getting slowed killed by my own self doubts. I don't why but it all seemed right when I was the only drowing and you where right there just watching me drown. Deeper and deeper.. Maybe tried to help but was that really that late to you? If it's always too late then you were the one to disagree , then can you make me understand how was it too late?Well I am better on my own,this is better than whatever I was going through just to mean nothing to you at all..