Santa’s Swervin’ Sleigh

[Verse 1]
Santa hit the roof like “Ho
I’m back”
Saw the snack plate
Did a double-take attack
Not a single cookie
Not a glass of milk in sight
Just bourbon balls glistenin’
Lookin’ too polite
He said “Well
Can’t be rude”
Popped one
Then two
Rudolph side-eyein’ like
“This ain’t good for you”
By the time he hit the third
He was feelin’ that glow
Boots tappin’ on shingles
In a tipsy tempo
[Chorus]
Santa can’t drive his sleigh tonight
Somebody swapped the treats
That ain’t right
Bourbon balls and whiskey by the tree
Now he’s stuck and buzzed
Singin’ “Ho-ho-help me”
Yeah
Santa can’t drive his sleigh tonight
Elves on call
But the reindeer strike
Who spiked the snacks for the VIP?
Now he’s stuck and buzzed
On the chimney TV
[Verse 2]
He found a little bottle
By the tinsel train track
Said “Just one tiny sip”
Then he never looked back
Now he’s textin’ Mrs. Claus
“Butterfingers on the screen”
Autocorrect confessing
To a cookie crime scene
He tried to grab the reins
Missed them by a mile
Did a slow-motion spin
With a big red smile
Rudolph hit the brakes
On that rooftop ride
“Boss
You’re over the limit
We’re walkin’ tonight”
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
[call-and-response
Crowd shout]
Who left the bourbon? (You!)
Who poured the drink? (You!)
Who turned Santa
Into holiday shrink?
He’s spillin’ his feelings
To the Christmas tree
Like “Do the kids still love
A tipsy me?”
[breakdown
Just bass and claps]
He said “Next year
People
Hear my plea
Leave me cookies
Friends
And caffeine for free”
[Chorus]

rock, Greasy rock-funk jam, male vocals, fuzzed guitars locked with a slapped bass, tight drum groove and horn stabs on the off-beats. Verses stay talk-sung and comedic; chorus explodes with gang vocals and tambourine. Bridge drops to bass-and-claps before a big final shout-along hook., funk