3AM PISS & SHIT BLUES

(Verse 1)

It's three in the morning, the room is warm and deep,

I've finally found that perfect kind of sleep,

Then my bladder starts a-knockin', my colon joins the band,

And suddenly I've got an emergency at hand.

(Pre-Chorus)

I try to ignore it, I bargain and I plead,

"Maybe it'll go away if I just don't leave the sheets."

(Chorus)

But I've gotta fucking wake for a poo and a pee,

At three in the goddamn morning, why me?

I'm stumbling through the darkness like a zombie in despair,

With one eye barely open and my underwear askew somewhere.

I've gotta fucking wake for a poo and a pee,

This ain't the life that I imagined it'd be,

I was dreaming of paradise, now I'm on toilet number three,

At three in the fucking morning for a poo and a pee.

(Verse 2)

The bathroom light's a weapon, burns directly through my soul,

I sit upon the porcelain and question every goal,

The dog is looking judgmental, the cat thinks I'm insane,

And somehow now I'm fully awake using half my brain.

(Pre-Chorus)

I finish up my business and crawl back to my bed,

But now my brain decides it's time for every thought I've ever had.

(Chorus)

'Cause I had to fucking wake for a poo and a pee,

At three in the goddamn morning, why me?

Now I'm thinking 'bout that awkward thing I said in 2013,

When all I wanted was unconsciousness and sweet REM to see.

I had to fucking wake for a poo and a pee,

A biological betrayal of the highest degree,

I was sleeping like a champion, now I'm wide awake and free,

At three in the fucking morning for a poo and a pee.

(Bridge)

Curse you, late-night water.

Curse you, spicy curry too.

Curse the human body's need

To process what goes through.

(Final Chorus)

I've gotta fucking wake for a poo and a pee,

At three in the goddamn morning, endlessly,

Tomorrow I'll be tired and complain to everybody,

But tonight I'm just a hostage to my own anatomy.

I've gotta fucking wake for a poo and a pee,

Sing this tragic little anthem along with me,

For every sleepy soul who's sat upon that porcelain sea—

At three in the fucking morning...

For a poo and a pee.