I Should Have Been There

Boy’s I am so sorry, I should have been there. I stayed with a man who did not care. I was dreaming of a fairy tale that was worn by rose colored glasses while you had to witness what happened. I wish I could turn back time, the 15 years of pain, trauma and all types of abuse, I wish I would have seen past the truth. I never intended to pick him over you, I was scared to come forward, I was scared to tell the truth and what he could do to you. That didn’t last long before he turned his back on you, only to play the victim and watch you suffer more pain, just like he has done to me never taking the blame. He turned the role and made everyone believe that he was a great man and could be anything anyone believed he could be. I love you son more than words could ever express, it breaks my heart that it took me so long to see that he never loved me he just used me. Son, I beg for your forgiveness and to rebuild our relationship, I don’t havewhat or how much it will take, I just want you back in my life, the way that things used to be between you and me. I hope it is not to late to have you back in my life, I need you son even though I was not there for you when you needed me and I regret always taking his side. I hope you understand that dating a narcissist sociopath can make it so hard to get away, he controlled my every move and what to say, it was always his way. Son I know you witnessed so much physical abuse that he did to me and many times stepped in; in hopes to set me free. The trauma and pain it has inflicted on you can never be erased but I left that bastard a little to late. I have moved on finally ableto escape, still living in fear of what he will do and I beg of youson to be a part of my life without him in it. I love you son, I pray everyday that you will forgive me and try to understand. I know that will haunt you the rest of your life as it will mine but I could really have you standing by my side.

Son, I am so sorry, I should have been there

Stayed with a man who never really cared

I was chasing a dream through rose-colored glass

While you were watching the nightmare pass

Fifteen years of silence, fear and pain

I wish I could go back and break those chains

I never meant to choose him over you

But I was scared of what he'd say... what he might do

He played the victim, wore a perfect disguise

While you and I were breaking inside

He fooled the world, but not you or me

Now I see what I refused to see

I love you, son, more than words can say

It kills me that I let you slip away

I'm begging now, for one more chance

To hold your hand, rebuild what we had

I pray it’s not too late this time

To bring you back into my life

He turned on you like he turned on me

But you stood tall, tried to set me free

You saw the bruises, heard the screams

Lived in the shadow of shattered dreams

A narcissist’s prison, every move controll