Ode to a Soggy Bottom

(Verse 1)

I tried to whisk you off your feet,

But my timing wasn’t neat,

Love rose too fast, then fell right through,

Like a soufflé with the Sunday blues.

You buttered me up, then left me to prove,

Kneading your warmth in every move,

But the heat we had just couldn’t stay—

Now our crust has flaked away.

(Chorus)

Ohhh, soggy bottom, you broke my tart,

The filling’s runny, and so’s my heart,

Our passion’s split like curdled cream,

Collapsed my shortcrust pastry dream,

Ohhh, soggy bottom, you let the rain in—

And left me soggy to the core again.

(Verse 2)

We rolled in flour, danced in crumbs,

But now the bake-off’s lost its drums,

Your sweetness turned to bittersweet,

Like overbaked meringue can’t beat.

I was blind as blind can be,

Didn’t sieve the truth through me,

Now every bite just tastes of doubt—

And the jam’s all leaking out.

(Bridge)

Let’s not sugar-coat our fate,

We’ve overproved, we’re out too late,

I’m left with nothing but this tin,

And echoes of the love within.

(Chorus)

Ohhh, soggy bottom, you broke my tart,

The filling’s runny, and so’s my heart,

Our passion’s split like curdled cream,

Collapsed my shortcrust pastry dream,

Ohhh, soggy bottom, you let the rain in—

And left me soggy to the core again.

(Outro)

I’ll bake again, I’ll find my pride,

With a crust that holds, and joy inside,

But I’ll still hum this tune, low and lonesome—

To my dear, damp-hearted Soggy Bottom.