Why so angry

(Opening)

It’s been years, and I stopped questioning why,

I stopped assuming I was fine without meds, three doctors and dozens of appointments have gone,

By and they haven’t said it’s time to quit…

How did it all start?

Was it the fact that I was struggling when I found you cheating?

Was it when I started to wonder if I was the father?

Was it all of your hidden agendas and secret meetups?

Glad that your gone,

The pain you caused,

The loss is not worth the suffering,

When will the memory of you be gone?

I could only move forward if you simply admit,

You are the Devil.

Might be cute,

It might be mean,

But words spoken to your face from someone 1000s of miles away,

You are the devil.

What was the reason behind it?

Why did no one tell me they knew before I arrived home?

What was in that sandwich that burned a hole in my stomach?

Why did you leave the hospital when I had that procedure,

And why did you have a need to be a bitch.

All the questions I ask as I fill my planner,

Trying to move forward with my new wife,

My actual kids,

But stuck worried that my kids that are simply a signature will think poorly of me,

As I put so much energy into the upbringing,

The feedings that you ignored to be on your phone.

When I came home to find her screaming to be fed, but you wore headphones.

Why is the dvd on repeat, how long has the other been asleep?

Who knows?

Why does your parents yell and say they are calling human services?

What did I do to lose two jobs?

Must have been your advice to get a happy pill.

Did you plan this out?

That I answered the questions and I start a new dose?

They call it Coke,

They call it speed,

But why the heck was I told I’m ADHD?

I didn’t even know what they meant,

What is ADHD?

Once I began the meditation,

The side effects took hold,

Sleep was nonexistent,

Hunger was a myth,

My thoughts were in overdrive,

And my goals spread out,

Why did this medication make me lack concentration?

Where did it go?

Oh was it a squirrel,

Oh wait,

my mind is skipping,

It must be time,

to finish the thought,

I need my next dose…

This is the reality of a medication that takes hold,

A medication that is legal to be prescribed,

But no one can remember why,

But it is the med that will make the stars aline,

And also the pill to make your chest thump,

Your memories fade into a blur,

And when you stop; when you wake up,

You will wonder why so much time has passed, how you managed to survive,

And why I need a med to relax my artieries now?…

Now I have kids or do I?

Was it all your game to get money?

Who touched my file?

Why is there suddenly records gone,

And new mysterious record added,

Now I understand,

All the proof I need to see why,

You were and still are the devil.