[Intro – bright plucks, rising drums]
“Not the poop… not the poop…”
[Verse 1 – fast male vocal]
Sprintin’ through the concourse holdin’ back the poop,
Stomach twistin’ tight like it’s ready to dump a load in one swoop.
Every bathroom full, every line a loop,
If this pressure gets worse I might straight-up drop a scoop.
[whoosh FX]
Gate call chimes with a cheerful little beep—
But my gut’s sayin’, “bro, you ain’t takin’ that seat.”
[Pre-Chorus – airy falsetto]
Sweatin’ bullets while I clench and regroup,
Beggin’ gravity not to force out the crap I’m tryna recoup.
If I don’t find a stall I’m gonna lose my cool—
God, I’m two steps away from droppin’ a stool.
[Chorus – huge pop hook]
I gotta POOP before the plane takes off,
Tryna hold this NUMBER TWO, it’s knockin’ the lock.
Doin’ that runway dance, lil’ panic hop—
Oooh, body turbulence—I’m close to a DROP.
I gotta DUMP, someone clear that spot,
If this line don’t move I’m losin’ the plot.
Airport spinnin’ ‘round me, don’t let me explode—
Oooh, BODY TURBULENCE—lemme release this LOAD!
[Verse 2 – playful synth bass]
Passin’ all the food stands, smells heavy as fog,
My stomach’s churnin’ like it’s cultivatin’ a log.
Janitor said “closed,” hit me with the dialogue—
Now I’m sprintin’ like I’m runnin’ from my own epilogue.
[record scratch]
If I don’t purge soon, I’m breakin’ the rules—
My intestines chantin’ war songs, rehearsin’ the bowel drop tools.
[Pre-Chorus – echo falsetto]
Final boarding call rings loud in the air,
Meanwhile I’m searchin’ for a bathroom anywhere.
If I don’t unload, this pants fate is unfair—
I’m holdin’ a mess with a desperate prayer.
[Chorus – stacked vocals]
I gotta POOP before the plane takes off,
Tryna bottle this CRAP but the fuse is soft.
Doin’ that runway dance, lil’ panic bop—
Oooh, body turbulence—I’m close to a POP.
I gotta DROP, somebody clear that spot,
If I don’t UNLOAD I’m losin’ the plot.
Airport angels hear me, I’m about to ooze—
Oooh, BODY TURBULENCE—lemme push this NUMBER TWO!
[Bridge – heartbeat FX, comedic whispers]
[whisper]: “If I miss my gate, that’s fine…
But if this load breaks free, that’s where I draw the line.”
[falsetto swell]: “One open stall… I’m beggin’, please…”
[beat stop + tiny flush FX]
[Final Chorus – explosive pop energy]
I GOTTA POOP before the plane takes off,
This BOWEL DROP rising like a Molotov.
Doin’ that runway dance—can’t stop the jog—
Oooh, BODY TURBULENCE—I’m birthing a log.
I GOTTA PURGE, someone open that spot,
If I wait one more second I’m gonna get caught.
Airport mercy guide me, I’m about to lose—
Oooh, BODY TURBULENCE—LET ME DROP THIS NUMBER TWO!
[Outro – soft fade, relieved sigh]
“…sweet release.”
RYDER
