I can still feel the blankness of my mind. That loss of thought, that transcendence feeling of being loosed from the thoughts of moral existence. Questioning the morality. Leavin today's pain filled world for one blocked from pain. That's what it's like when them white pills take yo brain. Gotcha trapped in a little orange bottle. I used to go at life full throttle. Lookin forward to new beginnings. But eventually those beginnings stopped having happy endings. I had a friend who introduced me to em. Got my young mind trippin out and thought this is how I'll put an end to my high school depression now. But let me tell ya this story doesn't have a happy ending. In fact it ends with my life almost ending. But at the time that wasn't a concern of mine. The only thing on my mind was when I could get high. After a few surgeries my dad’s medicine cabinet started lookin more like a candy basket, that’s when the just for fun turned into I gotta have it. I wanted to be caught, to be loosed from the pain, and to just let it all slip away, but instead the Devil wanted to play.
These pills ain't got me feelin right. These pills ain't got me feelin right. Got no role models to tell me not too. Just people judgin that left me no options to move forward to! These pills ain't got me feelin right. That shit just ain't got my mind feelin right.
Actin like the good student athlete during the day. Gettin the grades that was required. Makin my parents proud during student teacher conferences. Behind the smiles and the on the field work ethic, my damn mind was fixed on gettin my next fuckin fix. Workin hard at sellin my talents just to turn around and give it all away for a few hours of mind altering existence. It went from just takin one to poppin a few while downin one of them with an alcoholic brew. Playin with my life real dangerously, almost got better at playin with life and death as I did scoring goals out on the pitch. I was real fuckin blessed yet I took that to mean to party more and work less.
Skip forward to senior year. At this point I'm a fuckin mess. Fake friends, distant parents, and no hopes or vision. I decided to go to a Christian school to try and gain some purpose. After another ended relationship it just sent me deeper in depression. Got my fingers searchin the bottom of the bottles faster. Grades a disaster. Gone is the happy boy from years gone by. Now he stands eyes low, got his mind trapped in a mental prison. A land where the population is now zero, I can feel my mind and soul startin to go.
Now at this point the athlete is almost fully gone. The boy has lost weight, lost speed, and the sharpness of his mind. But fuck it the white powder was the only thing he had a mind for. Then one night he got more than he bargained for. Popped five or six and after a while his heart went quiet. He felt his lungs strugglin to fill. This wasn't no light at the end of the tunnel shit. This was like falling into the darkest pit. Some real hell type shit
