[Intro – News Clip Style]
“In other headlines… a shirtless man in Gainesville has been arrested for throwing bath salts at a wedding DJ while riding a stolen flamingo float.”
[Verse 1]
I woke up in a Waffle House fight,
Wearing one flip-flop and a traffic light.
Said my name was “Freedom” on my ID,
Got banned from PetSmart for tryin’ to wrestle a manatee.
Snapback crooked, mullet full throttle,
Chuggin’ gatorade straight from a beer bottle.
Wrestled a gator on live TV —
Lost a pinky but I still got heat.
[Chorus]
Florida Man — I’m the headline king,
Bath salts, moonshine, fried chicken wings.
No shirt, no rules, just state pride,
Tased in the face but I still high-fived.
If you see me on the news, just know the plan:
Ain’t wild — I’m just…
Florida Man.
[Verse 2]
Stole a cop car just to Uber Eats,
Delivered tacos, then crashed on the beach.
Tried to marry a Publix rotisserie bird,
She said “no” — guess love’s absurd.
Got kicked outta court for wearin’ crocs,
Told the judge “That gator bit first, I swear to God.”
Tried to rob a bank with a Nerf gun clip,
Tripped on my beard and did the full split.
[Chorus – Louder now]
Florida Man — born to confuse,
Headline star in cargo shoes.
Bass boat driftin’ through the drive-thru line,
Yellin’ “WorldStar!” while I FaceTime crime.
If you see smoke in a trashcan van…
Don’t worry, that’s just
Florida Man.
[Bridge – Spoken like a courtroom defense]
“Your honor, if wearin’ a raccoon as a scarf is illegal… then lock me up. But if not — let me finish my Taco Bell and go back to WrestleMania.”
[Final Chorus – Crowd chant feel]
Florida Man — the myth, the mess,
Got a DUI in a wedding dress.
Two pet snakes, no regrets,
Fought a palm tree and lost that bet.
From the panhandle to the Keys I stand...
Unhinged and proud —
Florida Man.
[Outro – Low voice, bassy beat drop]
Gator don’t play no games.
Neither do I.
BrandonJamesBand
