I married into spice

I’m just a white boy from the suburbs,

Didn’t know what I was in for—

Till I met a Latina beauty

Who shook my world right to the core.

Now I’m eating foods I can’t pronounce,

Sweatin’ like I’m gonna die,

And her mama thinks I’m fragile

’Cause I said the salsa made me cry.

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I married into the spice,

And now my mouth’s on fire for life.

Her family speaks too fast for me,

But they say I’m “pretty nice.”

She’s yelling loud in Spanish

When she’s mad—Lord Jesus Christ!

I didn’t know love came with chanclas…

But I married into the spice!

⸻

She cleans while blasting Bad Bunny,

She dances while she sweeps—

I tried to keep up once…

Woke up two days later in the sheets.

Her family parties last forever,

Starts at six, ends Tuesday night—

I showed up with a casserole,

Now they laugh at me on sight.

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I married into the spice,

She seasons EVERYTHING twice.

She said my cooking tasted sad—

So now she supervises rice.

Her cousins all are roasting me,

But she swears it’s out of love—

I didn’t know abuelitas

Could hit that hard with just a hug!

⸻

I’m learning Spanish uno-by-uno,

I think “te amo” means “don’t touch my churro.”

I tried to dance bachata—should’ve stuck to the two-step,

’Cause I dislocated my hip… but she said it was “muy sexy.”

⸻

I married into the spice,

My whole life turned caliente overnight.

She’s got the fire, the curves, the sass—

And the aim with that chancla is precise.

And even when she roasts me

Like a Christmas pig on ice—

I thank the Lord for every day

I married into the spice!