The pain I feel

I can’t stop thinking about you.
I can’t stop feeling you in ways that make no sense and yet feel inevitable.
Every glance, every touch, every word you’ve spoken lives in me, burns in me, claws into me.

I think about your hands. The way they linger just long enough to leave me wanting more.
I think about your lips. The way they remembered mine before I could even memorize yours.
I think about your voice. Low, commanding, soft, pulling me in even when your words told me to stay away.

I am obsessed.
Not lightly. Not politely. Not with some fleeting crush I can control.
I am consumed. My body, my mind, my chest, my pulse, all of me belongs to you in ways I cannot name, cannot tame, cannot escape.

I know I should step back.
I know I should respect the space you insist on.
I know the man waiting for me, the one who deserves me, the one who could give me everything, deserves more than the fragments I still carry of you.
But I cannot. I cannot stop.

Because you are fire.
You are the ache I feel in my bones.
You are the want I cannot quiet.
You are the part of me that cannot exist without being close to you.

I remember every moment we shared, and even the ones we didn’t fully live, the moments you imagined, the glances we almost stole, the touches we never admitted to needing.
I remember them all.
And they haunt me beautifully.

I know I am reckless. I know I am raw. I know that being here, loving you this way, is dangerous.
I know I risk hurting someone else, someone good, someone right, simply because my heart refuses to obey.
I know it.
And I don’t care.

Because I am yours.
Even if you cannot claim me fully.
Even if you cannot give me everything I need.
Even if you cannot step into the fire you started.

I am yours. In every thought. In every ache. In every pulse that races when I remember you.
I am yours. In the quiet, in the dark, in the longing that twists my chest and makes me tremble.
I am yours. Even if only in ways you cannot see, cannot hold, cannot give.

I would throw away reason, fairness, safety, everything, for one more second with you.
One more touch, one more glance, one more whispered word in the dark.
I would risk heartbreak, impossibility, chaos, all of it, just to feel you again.

I am reckless. I am raw. I am alive in the fire you left behind.
And I would do it all again.
Every impossible, burning, heart-shattering moment.
Because nothing else has ever mattered.
Because nothing else has ever felt this real.

Even now, even in friendship, even in restraint, I am consumed.
I cannot undo it.
I cannot shrink it.
I cannot stop being yours.

And that is the brutal, impossible truth.

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