Verse 1)
Showed up to the unit with a buzzcut wrong,
Smelled like Axe and bad decisions all along.
Didn’t know left from his goddamn right,
Got lost on the way to the motor pool twice.
Thought a 240 Bravo was a rapper’s name,
Said he joined the Army just to get some fame.
First field op, he forgot his ruck,
Saluted a staff sergeant—Jesus, what luck.
(Chorus)
He’s a brand-new boot with a long-ass list,
Of dumbass moves and chances missed.
From day one, he was in the red—
Now he’s standing at attention wishin’ he was dead.
Got a DUI on a four-day pass,
Hit the gate drunk and outta gas.
Now he’s scrubbing latrines with a toothbrush slow,
Private First Class? Hell no—he’s Private Shitshow.
(Verse 2)
He borrowed a Mustang from a guy in B Co,
Took it downtown for a “few” at the NCO.
Came back swerving with a half-baked grin,
Blew a .12 and puked in the bin.
The MPs cuffed him near the PX lot,
With his boots untied and his face red hot.
CO called it in, said, “What the fuck?”
Now he’s on extra duty and fresh outta luck.
(Chorus)
He’s a brand-new boot with a shit-hot streak,
In the worst damn way, week after week.
He thought this life was Call of Duty,
Now he’s pullin’ weeds in full battle beauty.
He blew his shot, now everyone knows—
He’s the poster child for how it all goes.
No coin, no stripe, just status low—
Forever known as Private Shitshow.
(Bridge)
He said, “It ain’t fair, I just made a mistake,”
But mistakes in this game get you high-stakes hate.
No one’s perfect, we all mess up,
But some folks drown when they fill their own cup.
(Final Chorus)
He was a brand-new boot, full of talk and bluff,
Now he’s walkin’ the line, tryin’ to act tough.
Lost respect, lost time, lost pay too,
Got demoted so hard he turned E-negative-2.
We watch, we warn, we shake our heads slow—
That’s how you end up as Private Shitshow.
(Outro)
So here’s to the new boots, don’t go that route,
One wrong turn and they’ll smoke you out.
Earn your stripes, don’t throw ’em away,
Or end up scrubbin’ floors ’til retirement day.
