[Intro – Organ swelling]
(Spoken preacher voice)
Brothers… sisters…
We gather here today…
Not to judge… not to pray…
But to GOOOOOOONNNNN.
[Verse 1]
When I see her scrollin’ through the feed,
Eyes wide open, heart full of need,
You say, “Boy, don’t simp,” but I do it with pride,
Sent five DMs and a “hey” on the side.
[Pre-Chorus]
She don’t respond? That’s okay!
I’ll comment “GORGEOUS” every day!
Stand up tall, never retreat—
Even if I’m blockin’ from the heat!
[CHORUS – Full gospel choir style]
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
GOONIN’ LOUD, GOONIN’ STRONG!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I BEEN LIKIN’ HER PICS ALL NIGHT LONG!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
SEND THAT SNAP, DON’T HOLD BACK!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
SHE POSTED A SELFIE — I’M UNDER ATTACK!!!
[Verse 2]
Blessed be the girl with the eyeliner wings,
And the caption that don’t mean a thing.
I will like, I will save, I will goon again,
For the algorithm knows I am but a man.
[Pre-Chorus]
She got a man? That’s not my biz.
I just wanna know what her favorite color is.
I’ll “story react” with a single flame,
‘Cause subtle goonin’ is a holy game.
[CHORUS – Even LOUDER]
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
TAGGED HER IN A POST, FEELIN’ BOLD!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I’M THE FIRST TO COMMENT “GOALS”!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
HIT THAT FOLLOW EVEN IF SHE PRIVATE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
ONE DAY I’LL BE HER #1 PILOT!!
[Bridge – Organ solo, fake crying]
(Spoken)
I seen the vision, y’all…
I seen a girl with 3K followers and 1K likes…
And I said… I MUST BE FIRST… TO TYPE…
“STUNNING 😍🔥🔥🔥”
(sobbing noises)
Don’t let her slip away… brothers…
[Final Chorus – All the way to heaven]
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
FOR THE GIRLS, FOR THE POSTS, FOR THE GRAM!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I’LL SHOOT MY SHOT — I DON’T GIVE A DARN!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
SHE MAY NOT REPLY, BUT I STILL STAN!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
THIS IS THE WAY… OF THE GOOOOONIN' MAN!!!
[Outro – Whispered like a prayer]
Ahhhhhhh… ahhh…
Go forth… and goon… my child…or suffer my goooooooooooon!
Send the heart emoji…
Amen.
