Oh, Fred Mills walks in with that accent so divine,
Brains and biceps working overtime.
We’re over here swooning like a boy-band crowd,
And he’s over there being straight — fate really did us foul.
We watch his videos like they’re haute couture with class
Treating every steel-beam demo like a thirst-trap masterclass.
We don’t want much, just a tiny romance—
But destiny said, “LOL, sweetie. Not a chance.”
It isn’t fair, it isn’t right,
Fred Mills is straight — oh what a spite!
Smart and buff with that British flair,
While all the gay men cry, “LIFE ISN’T FAIR!”
We’re thirsting hard, but he’s not on our team—
The universe whispered “no,” like a crushing meme.
Scrolling through his channel, yeah, we’re hypnotized,
Those biceps alone should be legally classified.
He explains steel beams while we cope with grief,
’Cause the man is straight — humanity’s greatest thief.
He’s got charm, he’s got style, he’s construction-site fine,
We’d form a queue, honey, wrap around the block twice.
But Cupid laughed, tossed the arrow far away,
Said, “He bats for the straights, babes — have a nice day.”
It isn’t fair, it isn’t right,
Fred Mills is straight — oh what a spite!
Smart and buff with that British flair,
While all the gay men cry, “LIFE ISN’T FAIR!”
We’re thirsting hard, but he’s not on our team—
The universe whispered “no,” like a crushing meme.
We have meetings, support groups, coping techniques,
Because watching him lift steel is the highlight of our weeks.
We manifest, visualize, try changing fate,
But nope — still straight. Permanently. Great.
We’d send a petition, we’d beg the cosmos above,
But even the stars said, “Girl, unrequited love.”
So we sigh, toast our drinks, and salute the man we adore—
The unattainable crush we’ll pine for forevermore.
It isn’t fair, it isn’t right,
Fred Mills is straight — oh what a spite!
Smart and buff with that British flair,
While all the gay men cry, “LIFE ISN’T FAIR!”
We’re thirsting hard, but he’s not on our team—
The universe whispered “no,” like a crushing meme.
Kaimanguy
