“Salty Sue with the OCD Blues”
(To the tune of a bouncy nautical jig)
[Verse 1]
Well she swabbed them decks and she rang that bell,
Now she’s home rearranging her spice rack hell.
With a mop in one hand and a label gun too,
Don’t touch her coasters—she will cut you.
She cusses like a sailor, sips her tea at four,
Re-folds her socks till her fingers are sore.
She’s got bleach in her purse and a checklist for fun,
And she alphabetized her liquor—rum’s still number one!
[Chorus]
Ohhhh Salty Sue, she’s retired and free,
But she’ll scrub your floor while yelling at your tree.
She’s a little bit bonkers, with a side of neat freak,
And she power-walks laps while screaming, “DON’T TOUCH THE STREAK!”
[Verse 2]
She sets booby traps for misplaced shoes,
Wrote a 10-page rant on crooked shampoo.
Her neighbors all whisper, “That lady’s intense…”
But her hedges are trimmed with military defense.
She’s got medals of honor and a vacuum bazooka,
Throws shade at your dust like it’s enemy bazookas.
Her cat walks in lines, her plants salute,
And her car smells like bleach… with a hint of brute.
[Chorus]
Ohhhh Salty Sue, she’s a five-star queen,
With a toilet so clean, it’s a war crime scene.
She’s a little unhinged, but she’s loyal as heck,
Just don’t leave a dish in her sink, by heck!
[Bridge]
She’s got flare, she’s got fire, she’s got forty cans of Lysol,
She’ll judge your crumbs like it’s the dang U.S. Capitol.
Don’t call her crazy—well, maybe a smidge,
She ironed her curtains and Windexed the fridge!
[Final Chorus]
Ohhhh Salty Sue, she’s a legend, it’s true,
With her sailor-mouth charm and her cleaning crew.
If she says “aye aye,” then you better obey,
‘Cause she’ll clean up your life—or blow you away!