[Opening — ridiculously cheerful orchestra]
[Spoken]
“Today’s your birthday!”
“Oh, how wonderful!”
“Another whole year!”
[Pause]
“…older.”
[Orchestra kicks in]
⸻
[Verse 1]
Oh, today’s the day!
Hip-hip-hooray!
Bring out the cake and cheer!
You’ve made another journey
All the way around the year!
There’ll be presents!
There’ll be candles!
There’ll be friends from far and near!
And one unavoidable little fact—
You’re getting older every year!
⸻
[Chorus]
You’re getting OLD!
You’re getting OLD!
Another year has come and gone!
Yesterday you were younger,
But I’m afraid those days are gone!
You’ve got another candle,
And perhaps another wrinkle here!
So happy, happy birthday—
YOU’RE GETTING OLDER EVERY YEAR!
[Trumpets]
BA-BA-BA-BAAAAA!
⸻
[Verse 2]
Remember when you were younger
And jumped straight out of bed?
Now perhaps you stand up slowly
And hear a little—
[Sound effect]
CRACK!
[Spoken]
“What was that?”
“My knee.”
“Oh dear.”
You used to stay up half the night
And greet the morning sun!
Now somebody says, “It’s nearly ten!”
And you say—
“TEN?! I’m done!”
⸻
[Chorus]
You’re getting OLD!
You’re getting OLD!
But don’t you shed a tear!
Because everybody’s doing it—
We’re ALL getting older every year!
So raise your glass!
And eat your cake!
Enjoy it while you’re here!
Because next year we’ll sing this song again…
AND YOU’LL BE OLDER BY ANOTHER YEAR!
⸻
[Verse 3]
Now don’t start counting wrinkles!
Don’t inspect your hair!
And if you find a little gray one…
Simply leave it there!
For getting older isn’t bad,
Despite the things you’ve heard.
You become more wise and dignified—
[Spoken]
“Well… theoretically.”
“I heard that!”
⸻
[Bridge — suddenly beautiful and sincere]
Because every little candle
Means another year you’ve had.
Another year of laughing,
Of good times and the bad.
Another year of stories,
Another year of friends,
Another year of memories
You get to keep until the end.
So growing older isn’t something
We really ought to fear.
It’s proof you got another chance
To spend another year right here.
[Pause]
[Spoken]
“That was rather lovely.”
“Thank you.”
“So we’re finished with the old jokes?”
[Pause]
“…Absolutely not.”
[ORCHESTRA EXPLODES BACK IN]
⸻
[BIG FINAL CHORUS]
YOU’RE GETTING OLD!
YOU’RE GETTING OLD!
There’s simply no denying!
Your candles cost more than your cake—
And the fire alarm is crying!
WEE-OOO! WEE-OOO!
Call the fire brigade!
Stand perfectly clear!
We’ve got enough candles on that cake
To illuminate the hemisphere!
But laugh a little louder!
And give another cheer!
Because getting old just means
You got to spend another year—
With people who are very glad…
THAT YOU ARE STILL RIGHT HERE!
⸻
[FULL ENSEMBLE]
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
We hope you have a ball!
You’re older!
You’re wiser!
[Spoken]
“Debatable.”
And hopefully having fun through it all!
So make a wish!
Blow out the flames!
We’ll see you this time next year!
When once again we’ll
MattC98
