The Mermaid, The Mug, And Me

[Verse 1]
I once loved a mermaid in Margate bay
Turned out she was Terry from down the quay
He'd shaved off his beard for a charity do
Now I’ve got questions
And one or two brews
[Chorus]
So row
Row
Row till we can’t see straight
Drink to our terrible life choices
Mate
Raise your glass high
To dumb destiny
Here’s to the mermaid
The mug
And me (hey!)
[Verse 2]
The captain says “lad
You’re the brains of this crew”
That’s how you know we are thoroughly screwed
We followed my map to a fortune in gold
Found only my ex
And her new guy called “Colm”
[Chorus]
So row
Row
Row till we can’t see straight
Drink to our terrible life choices
Mate
Raise your glass high
To dumb destiny
Here’s to the mermaid
The mug
And me (sing it!)
[Bridge]
I tried to impress her with tales of the storm
She said “you were seasick
Before we left port”
I bragged of my scars from a whirlpool fight
She said “that’s from a crab
And a bar stool that night” (ohhh!)
[Chorus]
So row
Row
Row till we can’t see straight
Drink to our terrible life choices
Mate
Raise your glass high
To dumb destiny
Here’s to the mermaid
The mug
And me
[Chorus]
Row
Row
Row
We regret it at dawn
Sing till the landlord
Throws us all out the door
Raise your glass high
In tragic glee
Here’s to the mermaid
The mug
And me (last round!)

Rowdy pub sea shanty with hurdy-gurdy drone and wheezing accordion, gang-style male vocals barking the hook, stomping boots and table thumps driving the pulse; verses stay mostly solo with call-and-response grunts, chorus explodes into shout-along harmonies and sloppy claps, last round speeds up into chaotic, joyful chaos, shanty, male vocals, accordion