My Dog Thinks You’re an Asshole

[Verse 1]
Brought you home from that small-town bar
You were laughin’ too loud in my beat-up car
Long blonde hair all over my flannel
We were fallin’ through the front door, lost the doorknob handle
Boots in the kitchen, you tripped on a shoe
Pizza box flyin’, I was fallin’ with you
Thought “this just might be love at first sight”
Then I heard a low growl from the couch on the right
[Chorus]
’Cause my dog thinks you’re an asshole
And he’s got better taste than me
If he’s barkin’ at the back door
That’s a big red flag I see
He don’t trust your pretty smile
Or that “I’m a good girl” story you told
If my dog thinks you’re an asshole
You’re gone before the sheets get cold (hey!)
[Verse 2]
You said “aw, cute dog,” but you rolled your eyes
Kicked his old toy duck to the side
You called him “it” and you stole his spot
Spilled your drink on his favorite cot
You laughed too hard when he slipped on the floor
Tried to shut him out of the bedroom door
You whispered, “it’s me or him tonight”
He just stared at me like, “boy, get right”
[Chorus]
’Cause my dog thinks you’re an asshole
And he’s got better taste than me
If he’s hidin’ in the hallway
That’s a big ol’ guarantee
He don’t buy that angel act
Or that halo made of gold
If my dog thinks you’re an asshole
You’re gone before the sheets get cold
[Bridge]
He liked my ex, he loved my mom
He howls along to every break-up song (woo!)
So when he shows teeth and his tail stays still
That’s God’s little way of sayin’, “boy, chill”
[Chorus]
Yeah, my dog thinks you’re an asshole
So I called that Uber fast
You said, “you’re pickin’ him over me?”
Girl, he’s been here through every past
If you wanna pass the doorway
Gotta pass that furry gatekeeper soul
If my dog thinks you’re an asshole
You’re out, ’cause he’s the one in control (oh yeah)
If my dog thinks you’re an asshole
Then baby, you ain’t my goal

country, Rowdy modern country bar-banger with male vocals, twangy Telecaster riffs, stomping kick and claps. Verses lean on storytelling over a tight backbeat, big gang-vocal shout-along choruses, and a goofy fiddle lick answering the punchlines. Energetic drive from start to finish, with a brief breakdown before the final hook so the crowd can yell the title line., male vocals