[Intro, Sleighbells Only]
[soft sleigh bells jingling, warm Christmas ambience]
“Aw yeah… Merry Christmas… or… whatever…”
[bells get slightly chaotic… a low bass rumble…]
[BOOM — DROP]
[Verse 1] [Nu-Metal Drop]
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’—
…wait, wrong song!
Krampus in the house and he’s bringin’ the dong
[bell DING!]
Snap your stockings, break that tree
Christmas chaos guaranteed
Kick down your chimney like “HEY, IT’S ME!”
Black boots stompin’ like a Festive OG
I’m the nightmare of your holiday cheer
Got candy cane knuckles and I chug reindeer
Santa’s takin’ nights off — I’m takin’ the crown
Better hide yo’ cookies ‘cause I’m comin’ to town
[Pre-Chorus]
Ho ho hold up—
Nah, you can’t escape
Your door’s locked? Cute.
I’ll still bust the gate
Red suit? Nope.
Just horns and spite
Makin’ merry mischief
EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
[Main Chorus]
K-R-A-M-P-U-S
He’s gonna put your holiday to the test
Deck the halls? He’ll wreck the walls—
KRAMPUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN!
K-R-A-M-P-U-S
You better run before he’s at your address
Naughty list? You can’t resist—
KRAMPUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN!
[Verse 2]
I caught you re-gifting that sweater last year
Krampus saw EVERYTHING — yeah, I was here
You said fruitcake’s “great”… bro, stop the cap
Lie again and I’ll yeet you straight into my sack
I’m the creeper of Christmas, the tinsel terrorist
Spiking eggnog like a holiday anarchist
Elf on the Shelf couldn’t handle the stress
So he called me up — “Yo Krampus, handle this mess!”
So I pulled up sleigh like Tokyo Drift
Snow flying everywhere, neighbors getting miffed
I’m the reason your lights flicker low in the night
When you hear THUD-THUD…
You know it ain’t right…
[Pre-Chorus 2]
Jingle-jangle—
Chaos mode ON
Your sweater lights up
Then it explodes like a bomb
Milk and cookies shaking
As I stomp on your roof
Better check your window
‘Cause I’m lookin’ for proof
[Main Chorus]
K-R-A-M-P-U-S
He’s gonna put your holiday to the test
Deck the halls? He’ll wreck the walls—
KRAMPUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN!
K-R-A-M-P-U-S
You better run before he’s at your address
Naughty list? You can’t resist—
KRAMPUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN!
[Breakdown]
[all instruments drop except a single distorted bass]
“C’mon!
Open up that circle!
This Christmas ain’t peaceful—
IT’S KRAMPUS PIT SEASON!”
[Massive, chugging downtuned guitars slam in]
Stomp! Stomp!
Rip that tinsel off the wall!
Jump! Jump!
Mosh until the tree will fall!
DROP THAT SLEIGH—
SMASH THAT SNOW—
If Santa asks,
HE DON’T WANNA KNOW!
[brutal half-time breakdown]
THIS. IS. MY. HOLIDAY.
[GROWL]
KRAMPUS COMIN’ YOUR WAY!
[Bridge]
[record scratch — music cuts out]
[SANTA spoken] “Krampus! What in jolly hell are you doing?!”
[KRAMPUS] “Uh… spreading cheer?”
[SANTA]“You threw a tree through Karen’s window!”
[KRAMPUS] “She told kids I wasn’t real!”
[SANTA] “Okay fair— BUT STILL!”
“Look… can we at least keep the sleigh intact this year?”
[KRAMPUS]
“No promises, big man.”
[music SLAMS back in]
[Final Chorus repeat]
JonnyOnit