I see you there

[negative space between phrases] [vocals forward]
[INTRO, sparse, the stillness of presence, a tone like glass] I found something quiet. Underneath all of the noise. And then I looked around.
[VERSE, the loneliness of presence, the glass wall] The people I was closest to were closest to my performance. They knew the role. Not me.
And now that the role is gone there is a glass wall. I can see them. I can feel warmth toward them. But I can’t reach the real them because they’re still running their script and mine was the one that fit perfectly with theirs.
I lost you when I found myself.
And the hardest part — I can see you in there. I recognize it because I just came from there. I know what’s underneath because I was hiding there too.
But I can’t reach in and hand you what I found. You have to walk through your own house.
And watching you stay locked in a script I’ve just escaped is its own kind of grief.
[PRE-CHORUS, the choice] You can’t convince someone of their goodness. They have to journey into that awareness on their own.
And so did I. And so did I.
So I choose the source. I choose to stay awake in the land of the sleepwalking.
Even when the waking is lonely. Even when the waking is lonely.
[CHORUS, DROP into longing, grief and love held together] I lost you when I found myself.
And I see you in there. Underneath the script. Underneath the performance. Underneath everything you think makes you bad.
I see you in there. And I’ll wait.
Not because I’m better. Because I remember what it felt like to be lost in there.
And I know you’re not the script either.
I see you in there. And I’ll wait.
[VERSE, staying in the relational field] And slowly — not dramatically, not all at once — I stop needing you to see me.
The love doesn’t require you to be awake to be real.
I stop waiting for the mirror. I become the ground instead.
The work isn’t finished. But the love is true now.
[CHORUS, DROP, the longing deepening] I lost you when I found myself.
And I see you in there. Underneath the script. Underneath the performance. Underneath everything you think makes you bad.
I see you in there. And I’ll wait.
Not because I’m better. Because I remember what it felt like to be lost in there.
And I know you’re not the script either.
I see you in there. And I’ll wait.
[BRIDGE, barely a whisper] I remember what it felt like to be lost in there.
And I know — you’re not the script. You never were.
Neither was I.
[FINAL CHORUS, full drop, grief and compassion arriving together] I lost you when I found myself.
And I see you in there. And I’ll wait.
Something underneath all of this was never split. Something underneath all of this was never lost.
I see you in there. I see you in there. And I’ll wait.
[OUTRO, still arriving, ache and ground held together] Still waking. Still here. Still learning what it means to stay.
Still seeing you in there. Still waiting. Still whole underneath the waiting.
Still here.

Experimental electronic indie funk folk, intimate female vocals, trippy sway, somatic drop beats, Purity Ring meets MTNS