Familiar Enough to Ignore 1

I know this map by heart

and still pretend I’m lost

you called out

and I didn’t stop

I listened to your call

then brushed it off

I’ve walked this path before

but I move straight ahead

I stayed busy on purpose

kept my hands full

so your call couldn’t reach me

just let myself fall

I was listening earlier

when you were inside of my head

now it’s replaced with

self-spite

I heard your call

but I called it a night

I kicked the dirt

and then shrugged it off

I hurt myself

laughed it off

you called out again

I dismissed it

and moved on

I turned up the volume

covered my ears

wouldn’t listen

when you tried

to get me to hear

I look at the map upside down

act like it’s not

I stay lost

ignore your call

I stayed there

knowing I shouldn’t have stayed there at all

I knew I was

avoiding your call

I looked at the stars

knew it was you

and didn’t stop

I logged it as familiar

not urgent

I didn’t slow down

I turned the blade inward

and called it proof

I kept choosing the wound

so I wouldn’t have to choose you

I made the wound first

so the outcome stayed mine

your call went unanswered

I told myself that’s fine

I knew if I stopped

something would change

so I kept moving

and called it discipline

I paused long enough

to feel it

you called out again

I chose not to listen

even as the call

got loud

I felt the hit

of your call

kept quiet

you called out again

I swallowed my words

and turned my head

I let bitterness steer

and called it direction

I stayed with the damage

to feel in control

I let spite answer

and left your call

unanswered

I left early on purpose

so I wouldn’t hear you

I kept moving

and didn’t look back