Its hard as hell to get clean and sober now that I am, what am I supposed to do people places and things are now my enemy, but not my identity. I feel so hard. I can’t shake it off.
You think I’d be happy now that I’m off the drugs but for some reason, I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about how my life used to be I ever know The old me again the people I thought were my friends. Well let’s say they really weren’t. They say misery loves company and that’s true in the end. Once you get clean and you’re not using anymore you see the people that aren’t out for themselves and it’s very few and far between every day I think about getting high just one more bag just one more time but it’s never that way it’s never just one next back will kill me and I’ll be done done son i’ve done meth I’ve done Molly. I’ve done dope. I’ve done Coke. I’ve done a fentanyl. I’ve done tranquilizers. I’ve done ecstasy and the list goes on and I know the next bag. The next pill next shot that I do will be the one that ends but still at times that’s all I wanna do just be numb not have to feel not have to deal with life on its own terms what’s wrong with me and my damage in my sick is there anything that can fix the damage that I’ve done to my body to my brain to my relationships to my life it’s a goddamn shame all the dealers out there. Don’t give a fuck about me or you they give a fuck about making a dollar or two at the expense what our lives all they see is signs they don’t see me. They don’t see you. They don’t see the person that struggles on a daily. They’re not our friends there are foes I wish I learned that sooner the easy part is getting high, even though it’s a daily task the hardest part is getting clean and staying off those evil drugs the relationship I had with them I cherished every day they couldn’t wait for the next bag, I would do anything really it’s insane. I was stronger than than I am now and that’s a scary part. It’s so easy to go back to drugs, I knew I’ll never be the same. say goodbye to them forever that’s easier said than done. They scream to me every night come on you know you aren’t just one member me. I was your best friend. I comforted you when you were sad I made you numb so you didn’t have to feel you didn’t feel so bad. You can’t just leave me eternity. You always come back one way or the other will be pals for life the next time you’re feeling down and vulnerable. I’ll be right there in your ear, whispering to you. You know I’m still here if you want to feel better just pick me up. Put me in your arm. I’ll make you feel so much better. You won’t have to feel at all. I can make you numb once again. I can’t take it. No I can’t. I can’t take it. No I can’t. I can’t take it anymore, but I know this drug will put me 6 feet under I crave it and it craves me. I’ll be dealing with this for eternity. You didn’t know. I’m finally free of the whole that it had on me for such a long time. It broke me down. I still miss it like it’s my pal,
