The thing inside

35 years of circling drains. 1000 I’m sorries, that don’t clean the stains. Made peace with the shame, made war with regret. But some things you drink and never forget. It doesn’t want me dead no that’s too kind. It wants me breathing with a hollowed out mind. It wants me living but buried alive. cold eyes, warm pulse, no soul inside.

Oh God keep me steady. Keep me upright. There’s a thing inside me. That’s waiting for night.

I’ve lied to the ones who would die for my name Begged for forgiveness then did it again. The sweetest voices. I pushed them away so I could get drunk and fade into gray.

It doesn’t want me dead no that’s too kind. It wants me crawling with a hollowed out mind. It wants me living but buried alive, lost eyes, weak pulse no me inside. dear God keep me steady. Keep me upright. There’s a thing inside me looking for a fight!

There’s coffee and meetings and folding the chairs, chips in my pocket and whispered prayers. One day at a time, 1 mile of road but the devil don’t age he just changes his clothes. It’s there in the silence when I’m all alone when laughter’s gone quiet and the lights are low. It says “we should hang out tonight“ and I feel the pull, the liars delight. So I talk to the mirror I plead with the rain. I tell that old ghost “no not again,“ but it grins through the glass with my exhausted eyes. It says “boy you’re just one slip from goodbye.“ I wake in the dark I know goddamn well it’s not the drink. It’s the part of me that fell.

It doesn’t want me dead no that’s too kind. It wants me existing with a hollowed out mind. It wants me living but buried alive, dead eyes weak pulse, Soul trapped inside. Please God keep me steady. Keep me upright. There’s a thing inside me and it’s here day and night.

the thing inside me is patient and sly. Ain’t looking to kill me just watch me die. I’m sober today but it’s still inside.