the girl in the mirror

I’m lost and I’m in that dark place again

I swore I’d never come back, but here I am

I know this road, I know it gets hard

Every step feels heavier than the last

I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize me

Just a lost girl staring back silently

All the thoughts I buried deep in my head

They’re coming back now, they won’t let me rest

I don’t have many friends, don’t feel close to my blood

Just my boyfriend, and I’m scared I’m not enough

I feel like I fail them, I fail myself

I’m breaking quietly, asking for help

Everything I do is never good enough

I’m not good enough, I’m so messed up

Not a good girlfriend, friend, or sister

I feel like nothing, like I don’t exist here

I smile so no one knows I’m hurting inside

Depression’s back, but I let it hide

I just want to make people happy somehow

But I hurt everyone who gets close to me now

I’ve been stuck in bed, no motivation left

Can’t sleep, don’t eat, I’m a stranger to myself

I don’t want to hurt the ones that I love

I don’t want to hurt me, but the thoughts get rough

Sometimes they come, sometimes they win

And I hate myself for letting them in

I curl in a ball, I want to disappear

Stay in that hole, forever down here

Everything I do is never good enough

I’m not good enough, I’m so messed up

I try so hard but I still fall short

I carry this pain I can’t afford

I smile so no one knows I’m breaking apart

All I ever wanted was a kind, soft heart

I don’t know what’s wrong, I don’t know who I am

Just a tired girl doing the best that she can

I’m giving up, I’m on my last straw

I can’t keep doing this, I’m so worn raw

But there’s a baby growing inside of me

And I have to be strong, even when I can’t breathe

I have to be strong for the man I love

Even when I feel like I’m not enough

So I’ll push it all down, I’ll play my part

Try to be the girl of his dreams, with a breaking heart

Sometimes I wonder if he’d still stay

If this baby wasn’t here today

That thought cuts deeper than any pain

But I can’t give up, even though I’m drained

I’m so tired, but I’m still standing here

Asking the mirror, “Who are you, my dear?”

I don’t know the girl looking back at me

But maybe she’s stronger than she believes