[Intro]
Used to pray for ‘em
Now I prey on ‘em (yeah)
Mercy in my marrow
Had to flay it from ‘em
[Verse 1]
Used to be that sweet kid, sleep-deep, dream-caught
Now it’s teeth grit, heat lit, vein-frost, steam-shot
Used to bleed if I seen grief, weak, guilt-thought
Now I clean sheets, bleach streaks, steel heart, feel not
Kill off the kindness, silence the choir in me
Ripped out the wide-eyed child, spit the diary
Piety pirated, pirouette violent, I
Pile up priorities, pride and propriety
Poison the porcelain halo, I’m pouring this
Pure in the pores ‘til it warps into wariness
Moral was ornamental, more of a door hinge
I tore it, deformed it, now horror’s my origin
I ain’t your martyr, I barter the parts of me
Carve up the softness, I sharpen the arteries
Armor is darker than tar in a pharmacy
Heart is a carcass I carve with autonomy
[Chorus]
Had to burn the halo just to stay alive (stay alive)
Buried every “sorry” in a shallow lie (shallow lie)
If I keep my hands clean, I’ma surely die
So I wash ‘em in the blood of my old “good side” (yeah, yeah)
Had to cut the innocent out of my eyes (out my eyes)
Turn a tender little prayer to a war cry (war cry)
If an angel wanna live where the wolves bite
She gon’ rip off every feather just to grow spikes (grow spikes)
[Verse 2]
I was that “yes” girl, bless you, stress curled
Neck turned, next hurt, checked last, left burned
Now I’m that hex girl, text terse, chest firm
Step first, death lurks, I press, let it flex, learn
Sentiments sentimental, they set you up
Sympathy’s fentanyl, gentle then death abrupt
Empathy emptied me, enemies fed on trust
Now I got centerpiece energy—heads on dust
Love was a luxury, luckily lust for blood
Suddenly subtly stuffed every cut with mud
Ugly and hungry, I hung up the humble tongue
Now every stutter become a gun under lungs
I amputate attachment at the first hint of fracture
Slash ‘em, mask ‘em, stash ‘em in pastures
Laughter’s a dagger I drag through the rafters
I’m casting disasters like chapters in plaster
Saints in the sewer get chewed into slurry
So purity’s buried; I’m dirty on purpose
Virtue was virtue ‘til virtue would hurt me
Now virtues converted to vultures in verses
[Chorus]
Had to burn the halo just to stay alive (stay alive)
Buried every “sorry” in a shallow lie (shallow lie)
If I keep my hands clean, I’ma surely die
So I wash ‘em in the blood of my old “good side” (ooh)
Had to cut the innocent out of my eyes (out my eyes)
Turn a tender little prayer to a war cry (war cry)
If an angel wanna live where the wolves bite
She gon’ rip off every feather just to grow spikes (grow spikes)
[Bridge]
I don’t want grace, I want graves for my ghosts (yeah)
Line ‘em in rows, eyes closed, then I toast
Every “forgive me” I gave was a rope
Now I pull ‘til it pops and I step on their throats
If mercy makes me meat, then I starve that bitch
Rip the wings off hope, let the scars get stitched
Every “innocent” inch that I carved and ditched
Is a blade in my fist when the dark gets thick
[Chorus]
Had to burn the halo just to stay alive (stay alive)
Buried every “sorry” in a shallow lie (shallow lie)
If I keep my hands clean, I’ma surely die
So I wash ‘em in the blood of my old “good side” (yeah, yeah)
Had to cut the innocent out of my eyes (out my eyes)